Tube Review: There Is Food Madden Won’t Eat

By Brian Powell
New England Rubs Pittsburgh’s Nose in it
The Pats’ stomping of the Steelers yesterday wasn’t without a few little skirmishes along the way. Tom Brady got in trash-talker Anthony Smith’s face after the first touchdown and it didn’t stop there. Early in the third quarter, the Patriots picked on the rookie safety by trying a wide receiver screen/fumble flea flicker, which only the Pats could pull off. The result? Brady to Gaffney for his third of four touchdown passes on the day:

Can we please stop taunting these guys?
Bill Cowher’s Game Planning Lacks Luster
You would think that a coach who worked for a team just a year ago would have more to say than sports clichés, but that wasn’t the case. In a bit that I tabbed in the weekend preview as a must-see, the ex-Steelers coach stumbled and plodded through game plans for both his ex-team’s offense and defense.
Some of his gems included: Controlling the line of scrimmage, taking Brady out of the game, winning the turnover battle, and stopping Randy Moss.
Bill blew a great opportunity to show us what goes into a coach’s game plan, and instead told us what we already knew.
Worst Announcing of the Weekend
The worst call of the weekend goes to Phil Simms for his work during the Pittsburgh-New England game. The ex-Giants quarterback praised Tom Brady every single opportunity he had (at one point he claimed that not every QB could make the same, basic five yard pass that Brady had just completed). While this wouldn’t normally be a problem, he did so at the expense of Ben Roethlisberger.
Simms vehemently claimed that every throw that Brady missed was the fault of his receivers while Big Ben’s tosses were because he was trying to throw the ball to hard. On plays that occurred within minutes of each other, Simms blamed Randy Moss for dropping a highly thrown ball in the endzone, while a Roethlisberger pass that was too tall for Nate Washington on the subsequent drive was Ben’s fault.
While both are great QBs, you can’t praise one and condemn another when the plays were exactly identical. And while this Brady love is annoying as hell, it’s a double edged sword. Would you rather have this, or Mercury Morris bragging on every channel for a week?
Best Quotes From the Weekend’s Telecasts
“Chauncey Billups is like the tortoise, slow and steady wins the race.”- Jeff Van Gundy
“Grayson held his patience and made the catch.”- Chris Spielman
“UMASS with an opportunity to start at the 40 yard line.”- Pam Ward during her call of the Delaware-Southern Illinois game
“Mike Martz is suffering from Al Gore syndrome. Al still thinks he’s the President and Mike still thinks he’s head coach.”- Howie Long referring to the Detroit Lions’ Assistant Coach
“There’s a winter chill in the air and we could have weather before the end of the game”.- Jim Nantz not realizing that weather never stops. It’s always there.
“And there are the two Oregon High School teammates Kellen Clemens and Derek Anderson with an embrace. The two competed against each other all through High School.”- Dick Enberg not understanding that Clemens and Anderson went to two different High Schools.
“Baltimore hates Indy. Cleveland hates Baltimore. And Joanie loves Chachi.”- Al Michaels
“Crabcakes… I’m not exactly sure what goes into them.”- John Madden
Announcing Clip of the Week:
For some reason, John Madden doesn’t like swordfish and shellfish. Far be it from me to tell people what to talk about during a blowout, but I’m pretty sure we’re better off for not knowing where this conversation was headed:

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Read more of Brian Powell’s work at Awful Announcing, which is updated daily with tons of sports media goodness. ↵