Football Blues Got You Down? Watch These Instead

By Dave “Large” Larzelere
It’s a big sports weekend no doubt. Last week of the NFL regular season, bowl games, blah blah blah. But what do you do when fantasy football is over and your favorite football team is out of the playoffs already? And what if you have absolutely no intention of watching the Meineke Car Care Bowl or the PetroSun Independence Bowl? What if you’re just a pathetic lazyass flipping through the channels looking for some good old-fashioned fighting and violence and mayhem and bad sports movies and just generally a lot of bad bad filthy mcnastiness?
People, I feel you. Large is here. Look no further…
Friday 12/28
Fearless Fighters
TMC, 6:35 p.m.
A kung-fu extravaganza from 1971 about two brothers seeking revenge for the murder of their security agent father who was killed during the hijacking of a gold shipment. On the Large-ometer of martial arts awesomeness, I give it a 4.7. Lest this unduly influence you, I would like to point out that I only give Karate Bearfighter a 6.3. What I’m trying to say is, I’m a tough grader.

Diego Corrales Retrospective
ESPN Classic, 8 p.m.
In that the Friday Night Fights debut is a real dog (featured match - Dominick Guinn v. Big Philly Hawkins… sheesh), boxing fans might want to check out this one-hour collection of highlights of Chico Corrales. There no doubt will be loads of blood and gratuitous stupefaction.
Saturday 12/29
Peaceful Warrior
Showtime, 4 a.m.
4 a.m., that pivotal hour of the early morning when a man must decide between bed or another beverage. But then you stumble upon a movie about a ne’er-do-well rebel prodigy gymnast who meets a homeless dude at a gas station who just happens to be a great zen gymnastics guru known (I tell you no lie) as Socrates. I doubt you need any further enticement, but I’ll sweeten the pot anyway – the guru is played by Nick Nolte. Checkmate.
The Dirty Dozen
AMC, 2 p.m.
While you’re watching this most righteous WWII caper, and you’re thinking to yourself, “yo Jim Brown can act!â€, don’t forget that this little movie ended Jim Brown’s career. Shooting went late in the summer of ’66 and it looked like Jim was going to miss some of training camp. Cleveland owner Art Modell called him in London and said, “Jim, you miss any of camp I’m going to fine you – get back here right now.†Brown thought about that and promptly announced his retirement. In his prime. You see, NOBODY tells Jim Brown what to do. Nobody.
UFC 79
PPV, 10 p.m.
I know there’s, like, this football game on Saturday night and all. But by 10 p.m. it could well be a foregone conclusion, and then what are you gonna do? Some PPV ultraviolence, perhaps? Liddell v. Silva and Hughes v. St. Pierre headline this UFC card, and both the Iceman and GSP have a LOT to prove. Ho ho ho.
Sunday, 12/30
60 Minutes on Classic – Daly and Bailey
ESPN Classic, 8:30 a.m.
Should you still be up from Saturday night, still drunk, or unable to sleep because you’re too drunk, or unable to sleep because you’re not drunk enough, or unable to sleep because you’re exactly perfectly drunk and you don’t like to sleep when you’re like that… should any of these things be the case, you might want to check out this show about two alcoholics, one a golfer, one a jockey, both multi-millionaires. There’s hope for you yet son.↵