Foreigners: They Play Sports, Too

By Spencer Hall
Around the world in 300 words or so: the International Desk reminds you that not only do foreigners play sports, too, they sometimes do them better. Or worse. Either way, it’s another excuse to post videos of soccer riots, and what more do you want than that?
The accountant for the Nigerian Football League, the slightly less well-known NFL, was killed in a robbery in Nigeria’s capital city of Abuja while making a deposit for the league. Robbers held Abubakar Shehu Garba gunpoint and, according to witnesses, asked a question the gunmen did not like. Please remember: if you are being robbed at gunpoint in Nigeria, just do whatever they say, because they have guns and you do not.
Athletes storing their own blood at a mysterious Austrian lab? No, that’s not suspicious at all. Wait, the International Anti-Doping Agency gave you the name of the place? Apologies. That is suspicious.
Sasquatch myth solved. Nikolai Valuev, the biggest boxer in the universe (and we mean by size) begins his climb back to the WBA title by fighting Sergei Liakhovich, so reserve your pay-per-views early. Or if that fails, simply climb to the nearest tall structure and just look for the hairy Russian figure pummeling something much smaller on the horizon.

Valuev allegedly eats 3 kgs (6.8 pounds) of meat a day. Your day just got awesome hearing that, and do not deny it.↵