Shanoff’s Wake-Up Call: Ugh, ‘Slurper Bowl’

By Dan Shanoff
Today’s Calls: Pats-Pack Super Bowl good for NFL, awful for humanity ... Should Lakers fans boo Kwame Brown? ... Kleizmania! ...
Jason Garrett disses the Falcons and Ravens ... Butler has a “Season on the Brink” moment ... I wish I had Bud Selig’s job security ... and more!
The Opening Pitch: What is the “Slurper Bowl?”
It’s the nickname I have coined for the two weeks of hype that will lead up the Super Bowl XLII after the Patriots and Packers win their respective conference championships on Sunday.
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Take the mainstream media’s two favorite players -- Tom Brady and Brett Favre -- and put them in a fishbowl for a fortnight. It will be insufferable.
It is also the NFL’s ideal Super Bowl matchup: The Pats going for 19-0 vs. Favre’s Last Hurrah. That’s my pick. Here’s how we get there:
AFC C.G. Preview: The most compelling players had rough weeks.
Randy Moss was embroiled in his first scandal of the season; expect Bill Belichick, who thrives on tweaking the world in the face of conventional wisdom, to get Moss at least 3 TDs. Call it a hunch.
Meanwhile, the Chargers’ most compelling player -- Philip Rivers -- will likely be sidelined with that knee injury, leaving him plenty of time to be baited into arguments with Pats fans sitting down near the Bolts’ bench. Pick: Patriots 55, Chargers 17.
NFC C.G. Preview: It’s the Moral Victory Bowl. In this season defined by the sense of inevitability surrounding the Pats, winning the NFC is a prize in and of itself.
For Brett Favre, this would be the biggest accomplishment of his career. (For those who have read me over the years and know I’m not a big fan of Favre, you know that’s not easy for me to say).
For Eli Manning, a Super Bowl trip would represent career validation, especially if he can lead this Wild Card Giants team to three straight playoff road wins. Pick: Packers 34, Giants 32.
Today’s Poll: Do you want to see the Pats win or lose? If the latter, would you rather see them lose Sunday in the AFC title game or in the Super Bowl? Go to DanShanoff.com and weigh in.
NBA Last Night: That was a quick reign at the top of the West standings for the Lakers, before the Suns quashed L.A.‘s 7-game winning streak (Marion: 20/16).
Kwame Brown was booed by the L.A. fans during a brutal third quarter that saw him commit four turnovers and miss a dunk: I’m a big advocate that fans can boo all they want (even at their own player), but they have to realize Brown is a Hall of Fame head-case (thank you, Michael Jordan), and booing will make things much worse, not better.
Oh, can we stop the “Celtics-Lakers NBA Finals” fantasy talk now?
(Although that IS the one pairing that might reverse the miserable NBA Finals ratings trend from last year.)
NBA Stud of the Night: Linas Kleiza: Who needs Carmelo or A.I.
when you have the “Kleiz and Shine” offense? Kleiza had a career-high 41 (13/21 FG, 4/8 3-pt) to pace the Nuggets past the Jazz.
Is Nene’s testicular tumor benign? His website said so, then the note was removed. That’s disconcerting. Still hoping for the best for him, and I still think it’s a great moment to be a role model out there encouraging men to get checked.
Bethlehem Shoals of Free Darko is joining the SportingNews.com blogger world, running point on the NBA beat -- and joining Florio on NFL, Hall/Swindle on college football, Pinto on MLB, McErlain on NHL, Awful Announcing on Media and me. That’s a hell of a lineup.
More NFL: If Tony Dungy retires, assistant Jim Caldwell is the anointed replacement. Saves them the unseemly job of looking around for a new guy. Just ask the Falcons and Ravens. Speaking of which ...
Jason Garrett returning to the Cowboys: Wait, as an assistant? Either he has been promised the head-coaching job after next season (wouldn’t surprise me) or the Falcons and Ravens HC jobs sucked SO bad that being an assistant was better than being a head coach with either.
College Hoops Wrap: The Butler Didn’t Do It. In the game to make you realize you truly have no idea how to predict college hoops game outcomes, Cleveland State beat No. 12 Butler.
It was CSU’s first win ever against a ranked team in the regular season, sparking memories of Cleveland State’s most famous win, in the
‘86 Tournament over Bobby Knight’s Season on the Brink Hoosiers.
Meanwhile: How the heck did St. Louis score 20 points against George Washington, then turn around and beat Top 25-ranked Rhode Island?
Is Marquette overrated? A 20-point beat-down at Louisville proved that Pitino still has the touch as an Xs and Os tactician.
Vols Mania: Tennessee crushed Vanderbilt by 20, giving the Commodores a wake-up call affirming who the top team in the SEC really is. Unless the Vols play UCLA in their regional final, I think Tennessee is going to the Final Four. (Yes, even if they had to play UNC, Kansas or Memphis in a regional final.)
College Hoops Weekend Preview: Not many compelling matchups, although the cross-town rivalry game between USC and UCLA features my top freshman (Kevin Love) and a frosh who could be a Top 5 NBA pick next June, OJ Mayo. (Mayo probably should have made my list from earlier this week of my Top 5 Freshmen ... but who do you bump?)
Bud Selig gets a 3-year job extension as MLB Commish: This after being in charge during the sport’s biggest scandal in its history. Give that man a raise!
Meanwhile, Mike Lowell used the bully pulpit of World Series MVP to correctly point out that the media and Congress turn a laughably blind eye to a far greater steroid problem in football.
Joe Torre did his best Sergeant Schultz about Clemens’ suspected and Pettitte’s admitted PED use: “I know nah-think!”
Miguel Tejada Watch: The FBI has opened an investigation into whether Tejada lied to the Feds in the Palmeiro case. A long-standing Shanoff rule of sports scandal: It’s always the cover-up, never the crime.
CFB Transfermania: Mallett to Arkansas. Michigan ex-pat Ryan Mallett will take his big arm and plodding feet to Arkansas, where he will sit out a year and hope that new coach Bobby Petrino doesn’t quit on the team before he has a chance to turn Mallett into a super-sized version of Brian Brohm.
Rich Rodriguez thinks there’s a campaign to try to smear him: No ... YA THINK?!
Golfweek “Noose” cover controversy, cont’d: Editor Dave Seanor offered this half-lame/half-thoughtful reaction to yesterday’s firestorm of negative pub:
Half-lame: “I wish we could have come up with something that made the same statement but didn’t create as much negative reaction ...”
Half-thoughtful: “But as this has unfolded, I’m glad there’s dialogue. Let’s talk about this, and the lack of diversity in golf.”
The Last Word: Thanks for a great first week here. Just wanted to thank all the readers for a fantastic first week here at SportingNews.com and on The Sporting Blog.
I appreciate your e-mails and your tips, and if you have friends or co-workers who enjoyed the Quickie or my daily morning post at DanShanoff.com, be sure to tell them about my new column here.
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Dan Shanoff writes The Wake-Up Call every weekday morning for SportingNews.com and blogs daily at DanShanoff.com. Got any comments, questions or feedback? Email Dan at shanofftsn-[at]-gmail-[dot]-com.↵