Shanoff’s Wake-Up Call: Slurper Bowl is On!

By Dan Shanoff
Today’s Calls: Pats vs. Giants, Chargers chokery vs. Giants shockery, “Good Favre” vs. “Bad Favre,” T-Mac vs. Pat Riley, Golfweek vs. America, John Harbaugh vs. Bobby Petrino, Herschel Walker vs. Herschel Walker (vs. Herschel Walker), Terrelle Pryor vs. Michigan students, UCLA hoops vs. UNC, UCLA football vs. USC, and More!
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The Opening Pitch: Let the “Slurper Bowl” onslaught begin.
Here are the Top 5 storylines you will grow so very, very tired of in the next 13 days before Super Bowl Sunday:
1. 19-0.
2. 19-0.
3. 19-0.
4. 19-0.
5. 19-0.
I dubbed it the “Slurper Bowl” because that’s what fans will get over the next two weeks: Never-ending media-wide slurping of the Patriots, of Brady, of Belichick, of all things “Perfection.” It will be more pervasive than Wes Welker jerseys at Gillette Stadium. It will be more annoyingly repetitive than Dan Marino’s cell phone ringtone. Prepare yourself.
More Slurper Storylines: Let me save you the time and energy: Tom Brady is a clutch stud. Bill Belichick is a genius. Randy Moss has (almost) been a model citizen. Tedy Bruschi is a survivor. Mike Vrabel is a warrior. Rodney Harrison is dirty. Richard Seymour is dirtier. New England fans love that “scrappy” Wes Welker. Scott Pioli is a mastermind. Bob Kraft is the best owner in sports. Fourth title in seven years. Yada yada yada ... Monday, Feb. 4.
(The only redeeming value? The Packers didn’t make it, saving us all from two weeks of complementary Brett Favre pap. That’s not saying there isn’t a ton of retch-inducing NYC-centrism to spare.)
Get ready: The Slurper Bowl countdown is on!
AFC C.G. Review: It’s not like the Pats overwhelmed the Chargers. It was more like the Chargers were overwhelmed by the opportunity presented to them on a silver platter: three trips inside the Pats’ 10; three field goals. Cripes: They intercepted Tom Brady THREE TIMES! (That NEVER happens!) Meanwhile, the Pats had four trips inside the Bolts’ red zone ... with three TDs. Would a healthy LaDainian have made a difference? It’s not even worth wasting the time to ask. (Better to ask: What was with all the pregame “LT at 90 percent” chicanery?)
NFC C.G. Review: Tell you what: This game was a hell of a lot more intense and exciting than the AFC C.G. -- even though the winner of this game was playing for little more than the moral victory of an NFC title (and the right to get spanked in the Super Bowl).
The New York Giants are in the Super Bowl: Can you believe that? Three straight playoff road wins. Eli Manning as Mr. Clutch. Plaxico Burress with the game of his career. Lawrence Tynes from two-time goat to classic New York second act. And four weeks removed from playing the Pats as toe-to-toe as anyone this season.
Meanwhile, as for Brett Favre: After a Renaissance season from Favre, “bad Favre” finally caught up with “good Favre” -- the Bizarro Brett to Favre’s classic, media-celebrated “gunslinger”: Defined by interceptions coming at the worst time possible. In the end, Favre put the I-N-T into G-I-A-N-T-S and the A-C-K into Packers Nation.
Today’s Super-Must-Read: Mike Florio’s NFL 10-Pack.
Is Tony Dungy returning or retiring? Supposedly, the answer is coming today. (My pick? Returning for one more year.)
CBB Weekend in 100 words: Can’t reconcile two things: I find myself arguing UCLA’s loss at home to USC is the “motivation” moment of a future national champ ... Meanwhile, I say UNC’s loss at home to Maryland is why they’re not championship-worthy ... USC’s best freshman: Jefferson (not Mayo)... Amazing: Maryland’s success against top-ranked teams ... Overrated: Marquette ... Way overrated: Texas A&M ... Mystifying: Pitt ... Crazy: Hubert Davis ... National breakout game: Florida’s Nick Calathes ... Name to Know: George Mason’s Dre Smith (10-10 3-pt) ... Question: Would Eric Gordon be this good if he wasn’t playing in the Big Ten? (Watch 1/31 at Wisco) ... Who’s No. 1: Memphis (with Tennessee at 2) ...
Women’s CBB Tonight: UNC vs. UConn. Women’s hoops continues to earn credit from me for its top power teams scheduling each other EVERY year; it’s the best way to hit the radar nationally with casual fans.
NBA Wknd Stud: T-Mac back; Rockets beat Spurs.
NBA Wknd Dud: Pat Riley should fire himself.
Golfweek axes editor Dave Seanor over the “Noose” cover scandal: It was an appropriate action from an inappropriate decision. Here’s the thing -- Seanor couldn’t have made that decision in a vacuum, although he was the final decision-maker. But what about the publisher? New editor Jeff Babineau says they will apologize ASAP.
Late, But ... Ravens hire John Harbaugh: Hiring a head coach with zero head-coach, O.C. or D.C. experience is the new “hiring a college head coach with zero NFL experience.”
Clemens vs. McNamee: Both have agreed to be deposed by Congress in advance of their Feb. 13 open hearing. If both are sticking to their stories, then something’s gotta give -- one will by lying to Congress. That’s not just lying to the media and fans; that’s a crime.
MLB Offseason: Sounds like there won’t be a new owner of the Cubs (Mark Cuban or otherwise) before this upcoming season, because of the sale of Wrigley Field ... Kudos to the Rockies for rewarding Matt Holliday (and fans) with a $23M/2Y deal; is Troy “The Mile-High Jeter” Tulowitzki next? ... Remember when Justin Morneau was going to be a break-the-bank player?
My favorite story of the weekend: Herschel Walker says he has multiple-personality disorder. Walker’s split-back psyche single-handedly tops Doc Blanchard and Glenn Davis as the best college running back combination of all-time.
CFB Recruiting: “We want Pryor!” The Michigan student section at the basketball game Saturday night did the obligatory chant as uber-recruit Terrelle Pryor made his recruiting visit. (Presumably, Rich Rod did his part by offering Pryor anything/everything as it relates to the Michigan offense from 2008-2010. Rod can make those promises after signing his six-year deal worth $2.5M per year.) Pryor’s finalists are Michigan, Ohio State, LSU and Oregon. Come on: It’s gonna be Michigan.
More CFB: UCLA hires Norm Chow as O.C.: Totally expected, but totally huge, nonetheless. He is one of the great college offensive minds of all time, and he will turn Rick Neuheisel’s inevitably big-time recruits into a big-time offense.
Sporting News Radio time: Thanks again to Todd Wright for having me make my SNR debut on his show on Friday night; similar thanks to Bob Stelton and Bob Berger for the time on Sunday afternoon. It was a win for vapid high-talking bloggers everywhere. Audio clip from Todd Wright Tonight.
The Last Word: Here is the real defining question of the next two weeks, and this will be my own personal obsession: If you aren’t a Pats or Giants fan, would you rather see the Patriots go 19-0 or would you rather see them lose in this dramatic final stage? (Go to DanShanoff.com and take the updated poll.)
Dan Shanoff writes The Wake-Up Call every weekday morning for SportingNews.com and blogs daily at DanShanoff.com. Got any comments, questions or feedback? Email Dan at shanofftsn-[at]-gmail-[dot]-com.↵