Jimmy Johnson Is Not an Idiot in Any Way

A Miami blog used the headline “Jimmy Johnson is an idiot” yesterday because, in a piece on ESPN, Johnson said this to a question of who he would take in which order among Plaxico Burress, Chad Johnson, and Terrell Owens:↵↵⇥“I’d take Plaxico Burress first, Chad Johnson second and you can keep Terrell Owens. I don’t want him on my team.”↵↵Fair enough. There’s many a rational case to be made for taking any of them in any order, which is the really fun bit about the NFL: all three are physical freaks capable of doing their jobs better than anyone else because they hit the genetic lottery, and you can’t go wrong by picking any of them because they’re all fiendishly good. Thus the endless barstool argument and barely logical debate that constitutes most NFL discussion, since it really comes down to personal preference based on personality, which is one of the departments where T.O. loses every time. (In fashion, though, he’s a Kanye Cadet on the make, and cannot be stopped.)↵↵Calling Johnson an “idiot” is factually inaccurate. Jimmy Johnson has worked with felons, men later convicted of drug dealing, and the insane. (See: Charles Haley, Jerry Jones, and Terry Bradshaw.) He has built championships from the rough timber of men who, in their spare time, had group sex on airplanes and paid for their own private brothel to keep themselves amused. He can work with difficult; indeed, compared to the full-time madness of Michael Irvin, Plaxico Burress would be a breeze.↵

↵↵But just plain crazy, as T.O. very well may be, without any violence or glamor? That’s something no coach can handle, as Andy Reid and now Wade Phillips are finding out the hard way. Plus: Jimmy Johnson spent his first year post-retirement on Islamorada drinking beer, day-trading, and going around without putting shoes on once. He’s not just a coach ... he’s a life coach, dear reader. If you’re able to do that, then you’ve known success. Or are homeless. Either way you win in this current market! TOPICAL HUMOR ba-dum-CHING!↵

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