General

As the 49ers Embark Upon the Brave World of Lip Fur, Let Us Not Forget Jake Plummer

Dec 23, 2008, 7:00 PM UTC

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â†µFashion and sport have one key thing in common: he who dares wins. You may earn mockery for your dink and dunk, pass-first scheme initially, but in 20 years you’ll be the standard everyone else derides as “stale and conventional.” You’ll be mocked initially, but no pioneer makes their way westward without breaking a few wagon wheels along the way.â†µâ†µWhich brings us to the 49ers, a team named after Gold Rush pioneers unafraid of taking risks across the board. (You don’t let Mike Martz so much as touch a whiteboard without taking a risk, as he may diagram a touchdown, or draw up an elaborate scheme to concuss your starter. Same thing with Martz, really.) To say they were first on board with the West Coast Offense is inaccurate; the Cincinnati Bengals adopted the system first while the 49ers took it mainstream.â†µ

â†µâ†µSo it is with mustaches; while Jake Plummer boldly broke the mustache barrier in 2005, his pioneering work will likely be forgotten by the general public as the 49ers follow suit en masse for their throwback uni game on Sunday against the Redskins. (Shaun Hill’s, as seen above, is growing in nicely.) This is not to hate on the fine gesture by the 49ers, but merely to recognize that their achievement this Sunday came from the trailblazing work of others, and to remind you of two things:â†µ

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â†µ1. The mustache is the new goatee. At one time -- say, 1991, perhaps -- the only guy who had a goatee was Al Jorgensen of Ministry, because goatees only appeared on the chins and upper lips of marginal, scary people who worked as carnies and sold meth out of the back of a van. The goatee signaled you were sketchy, dangerous, and probably owned a snake.â†µ

â†µâ†µThen Stone Cold Steve Austin grew one, smashed a couple of beer cans together, and brought the goatee to the masses. I know -- I had one in 1998, and I’m as “edgy” as a well-honed butter knife. Now Trent Dilfer wears one. Nothing else can signal something’s complete transition from “edgy” to “milquetoast compatible” more completely than associating it with “Trent Dilfer.”â†µ

â†µâ†µThe mustache, though, is just on the edge of becoming “mass-market ironic chic.” Grow one now, and shave it before the spring, when it will be so dunzo your local youth group leader will be sporting one.â†µ

â†µâ†µ2. Jake Plummer wins at life. Forever. That is all.â†µ

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This post originally appeared on the Sporting Blog. For more, see The Sporting Blog Archives.

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