Shocking: Athletes Have Lower SAT Scores

Touching light bulbs hurts. Putting your hand in running machinery may tear your arm off. Homeless people say hello because they want money. Oh, one more helpful piece of completely obvious knowledge: athletes have much lower SAT scores than other students, especially at schools that are good at football and stuff.↵↵The greatest discrepancy between student body averages and athletes in term of SAT scores? The University of Florida, thank you very much, reported a 346-point gap between jocks and the rest of the student population. This means the student body is either way, way smarter than I remember it to be in Gainesville, or that football players are getting far more preferential treatment than ... bassoonists? No, that’s not the right woodwind. Saxophones? No, that’s not it either. What’s the reeded instrument we’re looking for ...↵

↵↵⇥The numbers, however, show special admissions exceptions are used far more often for athletes than oboists.↵↵Thanks, AJC! We were looking for the right instrument there, and also seeking confirmation that football remains a far more popular form of entertainment than classical music. And we got both in the same article! In part two tomorrow, they plan on confirming that football players have sex more frequently and with more attractive women than you did in college. Part three on Wednesday will be “Athletes and Muscles: They Have More!”↵