Real Men Of Genius Commercial You Won’t Hear

Budweiser’s “Real Men of Genius” series -- one of advertising’s most durable gags -- will never, ever do a spot on “Mr. Attacks-You-With-A-Chainsaw Guy.” They should, because I can think of nothing funnier than the former lead singer of Survivor belting out “druuuuunk and with a chainsaaaaaw!,” but I remain pessimistic on this ever happening.↵↵Mr. Anthony Lloyd got booted from a Sunday League soccer game in Surrey for using bad language. (Like, say, “scumbag,” for example.) Then, drunk, high, and quite angry, he came back to the football pitch and decided to do the right thing by apologizing. This would be fine and polite if Mr. Lloyd’s idea of an apology -- attempting to cut off opposing player Paul Westwood’s hands with a chainsaw -- wasn’t attempted murder at the worst, and incredibly rude at the least.↵

↵↵Westwood hid in a bush and somehow only suffered a minor laceration to the chest before Lloyd gave up and walked off, chainsaw in hand. Westwood may want to invest in new friends, though, as his buddy deserted him at the scene and ran off, presumably screaming like a little girl and riding a bike with streamers installed in the handlebars.↵

↵↵Lloyd, the chainsaw apologist, was given a stern talking-to by the judge and sentenced to a 12 month suspended sentence, a result of either the British court system’s astonishing leniency, or the plausible defense that Mr. Lloyd thought Mr. Westwood was a zombie and went to work defending himself in a proactive fashion. If you believe Shawn of the Dead and 28 Days Later, they’re all over the British Isles and ready to pounce at an instant’s notice.↵

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