NHL Jumbotron Messaging Will End in Tears

The Washington Capitals are allowing fans to submit text messages that, when approved, will appear on the four sided scoreboard hung above center-ice in the arena. This is all part of an ongoing attempt to make the game experience more “interactive,” meaning ADD-stricken fans too blip-brained to keep up with actual hockey can text in sexual double-entendres and fart jokes all game long in vain hope of getting them approved for the glory of five seconds of verbal vandalism. This is for fans who think hockey needs additional action besides men with sticks cross checking each other at 15 mph and periodically pummeling each other into bloody, toothless shambles.↵↵These people probably should be out stealing wallets or BASE jumping off stop signs or whatever it is people with severe ADD do (besides write sports blogs.) If you’re not clear on what I think of this, I’ll rephrase: don’t give monkeys stuff to throw, because they will throw it, and it only takes one to start the whole disaster. Sometimes you don’t have to use profanity; we can only hope this was a joke: ↵

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↵↵Divorce humor! Mommy’s not crying because she’s sad, but because she’s free, and now she has documented proof of deliberate emotional cruelty that can get her not only alimony and the house, but enough money for that MBA she’s been thinking about going back to school and earning. Also: per new NHL policy, all messages coming from Sean Avery’s cell phone number are blocked. All of them.↵

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