Rose Learns the Dangers of Carving Apples

And this, friends, is why I don’t eat fruits or vegetables: Aside from not tasting like beef, they’re extremely dangerous, as Derrick Rose found out the hard way:↵↵⇥Rose missed Monday’s practice after he needed 10 stitches to close a ↵⇥gash suffered when he said he rolled onto a knife while eating an apple ↵⇥in bed. ↵⇥↵⇥“It was a silly incident,” Rose said. “I was cutting up some food and I ↵⇥laid on a knife getting lazy in bed. I went to go get a bottle of ↵⇥water, came back, forgot the knife was there, then sat down and sliced ↵⇥my arm.”↵⇥

↵↵So. Many. Questions. Don’t know where to start. Why is a man who only eats a steady diet of candy and sweets eating an apple? Was it covered in caramel? And why would he be carving it in bed? Or carving it at all? Just pick that thing up and eat it. It’s an apple, dude, not a turkey. And bottled water? Really? Mr. Fancypants Big Time Baller too good for the tap? Elitist.↵↵Oh, in case you’re wondering, Rose is fine and the team expects to have him back in time for tomorrow’s game against the Knicks. In the meantime, they have overnighted him a box of Snickers and a bottle of Vermont Maple Syrup. ↵

↵↵(H/T: Mouthpiece Sports)↵

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