Wimbledon Hires Snipers to Take Out Pigeons

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Wimbledon is gangsta. Today’s proof: They hired marksmen to shoot down dive-bombing pigeons, which had become a nuisance to the tournament when the two hawks that were under their employ failed to keep the pigeons off the courts:↵↵⇥↵⇥But the hawks failed to keep the pigeons away from the players’ lawn and the open-air media restaurant so marksmen were called in.↵⇥

↵⇥↵⇥“The hawks are our first line of deterrent, and by and large they do the job,” Wimbledon spokesman Johnny Perkins said.↵⇥

↵⇥↵⇥“But unfortunately there were one or two areas where the hawks didn’t deter the pigeons, so it was deemed necessary to take a harder approach,” he explained.↵⇥

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↵Stop me if I’m wrong here, but shouldn’t the hawks be the first birds shot by the marksmen? Those two were nothing but epic failures! Their sole responsibility was to be the first line of defense against the pigeons and they couldn’t follow simple instructions. American bald eagles would’ve never let this happen.↵↵Oh, and yes, PETA is pissed. They’re calling Wimbledon’s actions cruel and illegal and blah, blah, blah. We’re talking about pigeons here, people. They are rats with wings. ↵

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