Your Daily Dose of Depressing Olympics News

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↵What Happened to Some Mace and a Pocket Blade?
↵AK-47-bearing commandos won’t be the only snipers keeping you safe at the Beijing Games. Yesterday, two Hongqi-7 surface-to-air missile launchers↵were rolled into a military compound very near to the Beijing Olympic↵soccer stadium and the Aquatic Center. So if you were, uh, planning any↵Fan Man type crap in Beijing, yo son, you better rethink that shiznit↵or you’re going to get the surprise of your rapidly ending life.
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Smashing the Dalai Lama in the Service of Harmony↵
↵China’s Olympics organizing committee, BOCOG, drew a rare rebuke from the IOC this week for politicizing the Olympics. A letter sent to BOCOG criticized the committee for remarks made by Tibet’s Communist Party boss Zhang Qingli on Saturday as the Olympic torch passed through Lhasa. Zhang’s offending words were - “The sky above Tibet will never change. The red five-star flag will always fly above this land. We can definitely smash the separatist plot of the Dalai Lama clique completely.” China’s response thus far has been to say that Zhang’s comments were only meant to foster a “stable and harmonious environment” for the Olympics. In other words, the stable and harmonious environament that will ensue in totalitarian paradise once they blow that Buddhist infidel to smithereens.↵↵EPO? A-OK!
↵According to a piece in the New York Times today, studies are showing that the test that will be used at the Beijing Olympics to detect the presence of EPO in the bloodstream is woefully inadequate. In this article, a professor of sports science is quoted as saying that the Olympic anti-doping authorities are like “little boys whistling in a graveyard.” Creepy as that sounds, I have to admit that I have no idea what it means. It does seem useful to me, however, that this study is coming out a good six weeks in advance of the Games, just so that all of those athletes who were thinking of not using EPO right up to the Opening Ceremony because they were afraid of getting caught can now happily get back to taking EPO. “Garcon! Beaucoup de EPO s’il vous plait!” ↵

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