Wild Speculation: Adam Dunn

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↵Adam Dunn decided to play baseball for a living because Mack Brown decided he'd rather have Chris Simms and Major Applewhite duke it out for the quarterback position at the University of Texas. Nowadays, Applewhite is Texas's assistant head coach, Simms has no spleen, and Dunn is one of the most coveted hitters in the trade market. Granted, the big fella is an utter disaster in the outfield, but dude can hit, plenty of AL teams would be happy to have him as a DH, and plenty of NL teams would take their chances on his defense. Let's wildly speculate!↵

↵ST. PETERSBURG
↵The Tampa Bay Rays spent a decade bilking retirees out of their money by telling them they'd see Major League baseball, only to deliver the cheap generic equivalent, but now they're throwing 'bows and daring the AL East to outhustle them to the playoffs. They're really down on Jonny Gomes, and Cliff Floyd is nobody's idea of Led Zep in '72, so DH is probably where they can add the most pop for their ill-gotten money. Cincy will ask for David Price right off the bat, but that's probably just so they can negotiate down to Jeff Niemann (88/36 K/BB) and Reid Brignac. Dunn's much more valuable as a DH than as an OF, so Tampa should be okay with overpaying a little.↵

↵AUBURN HILLS
↵If you don't count his injury-plagued 2006, Gary Sheffield is having his worst season since 1991. Think about that. Adam Dunn was in grade school the last time Gary Sheffield truly sucked as a baseball player. Unfortunately for Sheff, that means Dunn is probably a big upgrade the Tigers have to explore adding. I love Sheff. After he retires, I'll campaign on behalf of his Hall of Fame candidacy. But right now, if the Tigers are going to continue their resurgence and catch Minnesota and the ChiSox, pushing Sheffield to the bench is the right thing to do. It'll be tempting for Detroit to put Rick Porcello on the table, but they'd be better served trying to pawn off Jeremy Bonderman and Matt Joyce. Bonderman is injured now and he's been ineffective for all but one season of his career. However, it wouldn't hurt to see if the Reds jump at the chance to bring in a guy who struck out more than 200 batters just two seasons ago.↵

↵KING OF PRUSSIA
↵The Phillies are loaded with lefty power, since they've got Ryan Howard and Chase Utley's forearms, and Pat Burrell is already the resident slugger who plays negative eleventy hundred percent defense in the outfield. Hear me out, though: What if the Reds asked for the Phils' two best Double-A hitters, catcher Lou Marson (319/434/423) and shortstop Jason Donald (308/388/509)? Shouldn't the Phils at least consider it? I shudder to think about poor Shane Victorino in center field, between Burrell in left and Dunn in right, but it ain't like Geoff Jenkins is great shakes, and that lineup would probably hit like the Red Sox circa 2003.↵

↵TACOMA↵
↵The Seattle Mariners have enough young pitching to get the Big Donkey, and they have the payroll to sign him long term as a 1B/DH type. They're going to send Raul Ibanez to the great baseball diamond in the sky soon enough, so Dunn and Jeff Clement would hold down those two slots for the foreseeable future. All they'd have to give up is Brandon Morrow, and perhaps a Major League ready position player, like Yuniesky Betancourt. Come on, guys. Clearly, this is the win-win scenario everyone wants from such a trade. ↵

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