Beijing Is a Trap Waiting to Happen

For those wondering if the ceremonies will be overly China-fied and bear no resemblance to prior games ... never fear. Even in Asia, the Opening Ceremonies will have the usual Euro-MTV feel: long, loaded with booming, inspirational synth music, and lots of Whiskey Tango Foxtrot moments that go on for 15 minutes too long and feature lots of teenagers running around in body suits under spotlights. All I have to say are six magic words: men in body paint and speedos. Awwww yeaaaaaahhhh.↵
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↵The only particularly Chinese wrinkle we can see is that all of the body paint contains unsafe amounts of lead, which should give the whole thing a particularly PRC feel.↵
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↵This is all a sideshow, though, compared to the

issues in these Games. As usual, the only media outlet reporting these real issues is The Onion:↵

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↵They’re gonna wait until it gets dark and they’re going to bring out their dragons. You think they’re kidding, don’t you? DON’T YOU?↵