General

Okay, So It’s Not the Daytona 500

Aug 29, 2008, 3:00 PM UTC

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â†µCollege football is back with a stutter and a whimper, which to be fair is how things usually happen. On one hand, the opening Thursday is very much unlike the Big Bang start of Nascar, the Daytona 500, in that no one gets up to speed in the first contest and everyone seems to run out of gas early. In another sense, it’s a lot like the Daytona 500 in that there’s at least one hideous crash involving eleven or more competitors.â†µâ†µLast night’s mulligan goes to NC State, a team that amassed 49 yards total passing and tallied exactly zero points against South Carolina. This unique feat of futility is magnified by their opponent, South Carolina, a team whose early season offensive dysfunction is becoming a near-tradition for college football viewers. The Gamecocks gave NC State four turnovers, gross, negligent picks thrown directly at Wolfpack defensive backs by Tommy Beecher. Rather than take advantage, the Wolfpack gave back four turnovers, turning the whole affair into a very polite 18th century duel.â†µ

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â†µNC State: I insist you shoot me in the head.â†µâ†µ

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â†µSouth Carolina: No, please, you go right ahead and shoot me in the head.â†µ

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â†µNC State: I wouldn't hear of it! I implore you, fire that gun, friend. I'm a gentleman! I insist!â†µ

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â†µSouth Carolina: I wouldn't...oh, okay. BLAM! (NC State falls.)â†µ

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â†µThe introduction of Chris Smelley at QB in the third quarter brought cohesion to the Gamecocks, and the game ended up far more lopsided in score than it was in reality. (Never has 34-0 looked so wobbly; South Carolina still has glaring weaknesses, most notably along their offensive line.)â†µ

â†µâ†µHow weak of an opening slate was it? Stanford looked like the pick of Thursday night’s litter, blitzing the pants off of Oregon State and forcing them into a disastrous second-half of turnovers and not one, but two safeties. When Tree is leading your charge into battle, you should just hold back and wait until Saturday. In the wild, decentralized, and anarchic world of college football, there is no opening gala. Think of it more like Easter Week: a multi-stage holiday spread out across the opening week, with the big day to wear funny hats falling on Saturday when Clemson plays Alabama and Illinois plays Missouri in St Louis. They’re going to look like hot messes, too, but at least they’re hot messes in the top 25, man.â†µ

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This post originally appeared on the Sporting Blog. For more, see The Sporting Blog Archives.

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