Beano Cook: Bargaining With God

The old have much to teach us. They tend to do what they want without considering what other people think, which is the way you should have lived all along, you frightened little monkey. They get up when they want and they fall asleep when they want to; they sometimes forget to wear pants. They drive wherever they want, including on the nicest, least bumpy part of the road: the sidewalk. I’m essentially already there, minus the decades of experience, wisdom of age, and fat retirement fund.↵
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↵They also sometimes bargain with God aloud on ESPN:↵

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In case you missed that, the gist of it was: Beano Cook knows he’s living on borrowed time, but wants an extension to get through college football season. Beano Cook just earned some kind of hallowed place in fan Valhalla for this. I’ve prayed for many things in life: money, a robot who could destroy my enemies, abs, a Nintendo Entertainment System with Duck Hunt and Super Mario Brothers, (thanks Big Guy!), but I’ve never, ever considered that I might die during football season. Everything Beano just said? Cut and paste and put my name on that request, too. If I went right now, I’d die with Florida State being undefeated, my only consolation being that with a record of 0-0, they are also winless for 2008.↵