Kidney Stones Sound Like a Good Time

The only thing that freaks me out more than wet toilet paper and caterpillars is the threat of someday having a kidney stone. Every night I say a little prayer that I don’t wake up the next day inflicted with this horribly painful disease. Oh, and for peace and prosperity for all of the earth’s people. I pray for that, too. But mostly for the kidney stone thing. God, that would be awful. ↵↵Just how awful would it be, you ask? Well, I’ll let Angels pitcher Joe Saunders, who’s been sidelined for a week with a stone, explain to you just what it feels like to pass them:↵

↵↵⇥“It felt like someone stabbed me in the back, punched me in the gut and kicked me in the groin, all at the same time,” Saunders said. “It was like someone stuck a knife in the right side of my lower back. It was like a bad cramp that wouldn’t go away.” ↵↵So, in other words, it felt like being a Lions fan. (Zing! Am I right people?!)↵↵But really, that does sound just about as unpleasant as I’ve imagined. Now you know why I make my kidney stone prayer. On the bright side, though, Saunders dropped eight pounds in a week throughout the entire ordeal. Heavens knows I’d take a shiv to the back in exchange for being able to fit into my high school tux one last time. ↵

↵↵(H/T: FanHouse)↵

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