Tim Tebow Will Destroy the NBA

Forget Jim Brown, Jackie Robinson, Dave Winfield, and all those other legends who were multi-sport studs in college. Or Deion Sanders, Bo Jackson, and Brian Jordan. Don’t even dare mention Julius Peppers, Tony Gonzalez or Donovan McNabb. And who gives a darn about Antonio Gates, a failed power forward who got shoehorned into the NFL and became an All-Pro.
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↵The real champ is here. And unsurprisingly, his name is Tebow. Sources deep within the board of Pizza Hut have confirmed that the supernatural Florida QB will leave school and enter the NBA draft, kind of like Gates in reverse. What’s more, we’ve been all but assured that he’ll go first overall, immediately start at center for the Thunder, and combine the best qualities of Shaq, Nash, and John Wooden. Kind of like Kevin Garnett, if he gave a darn about the weight room, kept his mouth shut, didn’t wuss out about the post, and knew the meaning of clutch. And was white.
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↵Tebow has little or no organized basketball experience, but scouts are certain he’ll excel. High IQ on the court, size, strength, character, leadership, and passing ability, we’ve never seen another player like him. Except for the time Daunte Culpepper dunked in a charity game. I know it sounds crazy but really, anything is possible. Impossible is nothing. It takes five for KG, but Tebow is The One. Like Neo. Seriously, the NBA is such a degenerate mess, devoid of sportsmanship and real grit, how could this kind of ethereal sporting phenom not immediately step in and dominate. Someone has to right the natural order of things, to put pro basketball in its place, and surely Tebow’s the man to do it.
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↵A leak from the Justice Department suggests that Tebow plans to win three MVPs in three years, to go with two titles, and then live on a mountain with Favre for a season before coming down to start his distinguished NFL career. After having wiped out the NBA once and for all.↵