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Press Coverage: MNF Booth and the Abundance of Coach Speak

Oct 20, 2009, 3:04 PM UTC

Everybody hates coach speak, especially in football. In most cases, coach speak is relegated to a few seconds at halftime, after the game or the mid-week press conference. But as much as we hate it, it comes and goes as quickly as any sound bite. Well, sometimes we get coach speak with enough funny lines to make a beer commercial. But it’s gone in 30-seconds or less. Coach speak is fleeting – until it lands inside the booth for a season of Monday Night Football.â†µâ†µJon Gruden is the exact opposite of Tony Kornheiser. Gruden’s football intensity rivals Kornheiser’s nonchalance for the sport. His knowledge of the game was supposed to add more football to the telecast at the expense of what Kornheiser brought, be it humor or historical context or love of Favrian storylines. â†µ

â†µâ†µIt was obvious after three years that Kornheiser’s role in ESPN’s Monday Night booth was superfluous at best, bothersome at worst. Six games into the season, in a totally different way, Gruden’s role has found the same fate. â†µ

â†µâ†µGruden is totally unnecessary. And I blame coach speak.â†µ

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â†µâ†µâ‡¥They’ve had a lot ‘a injuries. They’ve had injuries to their key players. I’m talking about their ‘juice’ – their most critical players. LaDainian Tomlinson, where’s the finger roll? Look at this guy, one touchdown every game he plays. And Shawne Merriman, they call him Lights Out. The sack dance, the fire and brimstone of Shawne Merriman, they’ve been lacking that. â†µâ‡¥â†µâ‡¥My three sons called me today and they said, ‘dad, is Tomlinson and Merriman playin’?’ Boys, you can stay up late tonight. They’re going for the Chargers.â†µâ‡¥

â†µâ†µâ†µPerhaps they should stay up late to study grammar. I understand it’s not easy to talk on live television, but this is the standup they can prepare days in advance. Going back to Kornheiser, the pregame opener was the only time he really proved his worth in the booth, with excellent essays discussing the game’s storylines. Now we get ‘is Tomlinson and Merriman playin’?’ â†µ

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â†µBut that's coach speak. Who cares if it's grammatically correct? It's the conviction of the statement that matters, right? It turns out, who cares if it's factually correct either:â†µ

â†µâ†µâ‡¥Well San Diego knows it’s a two-possession game. And they have gotta move the ball quickly in position to get either a field goal or a touchdown to give themselves a chance to set up an onside kick. But Philip Rivers has his work cut out for him right now. Denver has not given up a point in the fourth quarter ... all year.â†µâ‡¥â†µâ‡¥Incredible. In-credible. â†µâ‡¥

â†µâ†µâ†µIncredible, indeed. And wrong. Denver gave up a fourth-quarter touchdown to Cincinnati in the first week of the season that almost cost them a game until their miraculous last-second touchdown. Mike Tirico tried to help Gruden by giving Denver’s defensive numbers in the second half of games this year, but the mistake was out there. â†µ

â†µâ†µCoach speak. The information doesn’t need to be right, as long as it sounds right. Right?â†µ

â†µâ†µThe biggest problem with Gruden is that, per coach speak, everything is superlative. Darren Sproles is an ‘amazing kick returner.’ He called Denver running back Correll Buckhalter an ‘outstanding receiver.’ Buckhalter has less than 100 catches in his nine-year career. â†µ

â†µâ†µAt the end of the game, when Tirico openly apologized to Denver quarterback Kyle Orton for thinking he wouldn’t be a good fit with the Broncos (or any team), Gruden chimed in, “You like a guy that wins or throws the ball? This guy’s a winner.”â†µ

â†µâ†µCoaches say whatever they think sounds right at the time and Gruden is great at that. When ESPN showed a Ron Jaworski montage of three, five and seven step drops, Jaws lauded the mentoring of legendary coach Sid Gillman with teaching him not just the art of throwing, but also the art of quarterbacking. Gruden had to chime in:â†µ

â†µâ†µâ‡¥You talk about Sid Gillman, you’re talking about a guy who’s had a lot of hands in a lot of football. I mean, it’s chilling to think that you played for him ... Sid Gillman, what a football coach. Had a chance to meet Don Coryell a few nights ago. All the people that Sid Gillman has touched in this business – it’s amazing.â†µâ†µâ†µGruden’s performance through six games has been chilling. It’s amazing to think about his performance. It’s incredible, really. â†µ

â†µâ†µPeople in the industry talked about how great Gruden would be in the Monday Night booth because he’s always been so good on TV as a guest. Yes, because he’s a coach. He can smile and say nothing and the media interviewing him will smile and ask nothing back. He has a great personality, as a coach. But he’s not a media person, and he’s not all that great in the booth. Sure, in 10 years he’d work himself into being one of the best in the game. Then he’d be ready for prime time and Monday Night Football. But by all accounts, Gruden is headed back to the sidelines next year. It doesn’t matter how good Gruden gets in the next 10 weeks at calling games, he’s still going to fall back into the same old coach speak. â†µ

â†µâ†µAnd that’s because he’s a coach. Matt Millen is waiting in the pregame wings to take over for Gruden as soon as the Redskins, Panthers, Rams or one of a host of teams looking for new coaches next year hires him. Here’s a pre-emptive plea to ESPN. There’s nothing wrong with a two-man booth. Jaws can handle the analysis himself. He’s actually quite good, and while he didn’t recently coach in the National Football League, that’s okay. We’re kinda tired of all the coach speak. â†µ

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This post originally appeared on the Sporting Blog. For more, see The Sporting Blog Archives.

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