General

This Week In Schadenfreude: Nov. 16

Nov 16, 2009, 7:00 PM UTC

â†µIt was a matter of picking which member of college football’s onlyâ†µintersectional rivalry would take prime placement above the fold. Andâ†µwhile Notre Dame has plenty of agony going on, for the most part they’veâ†µmoved into “let’s hire Gruden and offer Meyer the offensiveâ†µcoordinator spot” mode. They’re split on whether they even wantâ†µNotre Dame to win again this year; merriment at their sadness will be reducedâ†µuntil such time as Weis is retained or Notre Dame hires Glen Mason. â†µ

â†µ

â†µâ†µ

â†µâ†µUSC, on the other hand, is dealing with a crazy newâ†µreality and facing down the ... whatever the bowls are that aren’t Roseâ†µBowls. Trojan fans have dispatched someone to the archives to figure outâ†µwhere they are. After a 55-21 defeat to Stanford in which Jim Harbaughâ†µpulled a Woody Hayes and gloatingly went for two on a touchdown thatâ†µwasn’t even the last one the Cardinal scored, the knives are coming outâ†µfor Pete Carroll. â†µ

â†µâ†µThis comes from Conquest Chronicles and is testament to something deeply amiss with modern society (get offâ†µmy lawn!): â†µ

â†µâ†µâ‡¥I still believe in Pete Carroll...â†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥BUT...â†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥He now has a very slim margin of good will with a majority of theâ†µâ‡¥fans and alums.â†µâ†µâ†µWhat? Seriously? There is no way. Pete Carroll has -- â†µ

â†µâ†µâ‡¥Easy answer fire Pete and the loser son goesâ†µâ‡¥â†µâ‡¥Posted By: THE BIGGEST USC FAN EVERâ†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥Date: 11/15/2009 5:24:12 PMâ†µâ‡¥

â†µâ‡¥with him along with all the NFL washouts. ...â†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥Would Harbaugh come to SC?â†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥I hope so.â†µâ†µâ†µAh. Okay. Point taken. There is also this film noir script masquerading as a diagnosis ofâ†µUSC’s fall:â†µ

â†µâ†µâ‡¥And so it comes...back to the dark ages.....no recruits, no coachesâ†µâ‡¥in a league full of coaches.â†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥How did it happen? The same way it started...arrogance.â†µâ†µâ†µHe walked out of my life as soon as he walked in. I’ll neverâ†µforget his steely gray jowls, or the way he left me. I know him onlyâ†µas ... Chow.â†µ

â†µâ†µTo be fair, the bulk of USC fans are thankful for the last sevenâ†µyears of dominance and, while critical, are keeping it above the belt.â†µAlso this guy referenced the red shift of the universe:â†µ

â†µ

â†µâ‡¥
Theâ†µâ‡¥added wrinkle is
â†µâ‡¥that PC hasn't found the "defensive guru" hat to be satisfactory.â†µâ‡¥Since 2005 he's been trying on the "offensive guru" and "special teamsâ†µâ‡¥guru" and "just plain guru" hats... at the same time. Yesterday it wasâ†µâ‡¥confirmed that there's a limit to all his "awesomeness," only theâ†µâ‡¥Universe can stay in full expansion mode "forever."â†µ

â†µâ†µ+1; USC is this week’s Tears of Unfathomable Sadnessâ†µvictor. The rest of the week in spleen after the jump.â†µ

â†µ

â†µBIG TEN

â†µâ†µThis will be a TWIS first, but the people we’re pointing and laughingâ†µat after the Iowa-Ohio State game are not fans of either side butâ†µbeleaguered newspaper hacks (in mentality, if notâ†µmedium) livid at Ohio State’s presumption. No fewer than three columnsâ†µwhining about the Buckeye reign in the Big Ten have been penned sinceâ†µSaturday. â†µ

â†µâ†µYou kind of expect it from Gregg Doyel, who’s probably written aâ†µjeremiad about cereal at some point in his life. This weekend took himâ†µone step closer to the edge, and he’s about to break:â†µ

â†µâ†µâ‡¥This was revolting. Ohio State won the game, the Big Ten title and aâ†µâ‡¥spot in the Rose Bowl -- but what did the Buckeyes lose? And can theyâ†µâ‡¥ever get it back?â†µâ†µâ†µDoyel’s got some blather about how both teams “quit,” usesâ†µ“disgusting” three times, drops scare quotes aroundâ†µ“victory” and does this all because he’s shocked that a Jimâ†µTressel team would take the most conservative route possible to victory.â†µ“Raging against his own ignorance” should go on Doyel’sâ†µgravestone. For the first time ever, a “respected” nationalâ†µcolumnist is the Scott Tenorman of the Week.â†µ

â†µâ†µOkay, so that’s Doyel, a professional bomb-thrower. Pat Forde is 1000â†µtimes less insane and couches his column with a lot of “yes,â†µthey’re going to the Rose Bowl,” but still comes down on the side of whine: â†µ

â†µâ†µâ‡¥You don’t care. Because here in this tunnel-visioned,â†µâ‡¥tradition-addicted conference, going to the Rose Bowl is just about asâ†µâ‡¥joyful a result as playing for the national title.â†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥And you don’t care because even after the fans voiced their dismay,â†µâ‡¥hyper-conservatism triumphed in the end. Your painful-to-watchâ†µâ‡¥pragmatism was rewarded.â†µâ†µâ†µAnd then there’s Jason King on Yahoo, who manages to slip anâ†µexpletive into his column (!) en route to expressing the same sentiment: â†µ

â†µâ†µ â†µ

â†µâ†µâ‡¥“This is bulls---,” Johnson-Koulianos said to no one specific, andâ†µâ‡¥there are plenty of college football fans who feel the same way aboutâ†µâ‡¥the Buckeyes and the Big Ten.â†µâ†µâ†µMost folk in the Big Ten are pretty sick of Ohio State, too, but atâ†µleast we have reasons better than “runs too much.”â†µ

â†µâ†µ(HT for this section: Blackâ†µHeart, Gold Pants.)â†µ

â†µâ†µAnd your default autoschadenfreude forâ†µMichigan after their 45-24 loss to Wisconsin lastâ†µweekend:â†µ

â†µâ†µâ‡¥There is an increased chance that sometime today I will read or hearâ†µâ‡¥something that cause my entire body to crumple and my head to thumpâ†µâ‡¥audibly on the desk. So I guess that’s different. Not different: for theâ†µâ‡¥second straight year the Ohio State week is only welcome because afterâ†µâ‡¥it there won’t be this unpleasant thing that happens every Saturday. Theâ†µâ‡¥Notre Dame game seems like another decade.â†µâ†µâ†µBeen there, done that, wrote the blog post, moving on.â†µ

â†µBIG EAST

â†µâ†µWest Virginia lost a valiant battle againstâ†µCincinnati and may have gotten screwed in the process, so it’s time forâ†µour usual jaunt to the West Virginia Scout board for the best inâ†µall-caps ranting. This one is so pure it could be the platonic ideal for these sorts of things: â†µ

â†µ

â†µâ‡¥Losses are UNACCEPTABLE â†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥until Stew, staff, WVU and fanbase wholehearted believe this, we willâ†µâ‡¥remain an alsoran.â†µ

â†µâ†µEmotional development ceasing in eight grade: check. Assertion thatâ†µfanbase has direct control over outcomes: check. Grammatical error(s):â†µcheck. “UNACCEPTABLE” in all caps: check. â†µ

â†µâ†µTo that board’s credit, they’ve got a couple wags on there that tearâ†µhim apart, one gently, the other not so much. Gentle:â†µ

â†µâ†µâ‡¥Zapatista wrote:â†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥Losses are inevitable... no matter which sport or coach is beingâ†µâ‡¥examined.â†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥...now, we can have a whole separate discussion on which coachâ†µâ‡¥provides the best opportunity to decrease those losses.â†µâ†µâ†µNot so much:â†µ

â†µâ†µâ‡¥Too late. He already said they’re UNACCEPTABLE. He usedâ†µâ‡¥all caps, so he HAS to be right.â†µâ‡¥â†µâ‡¥ â†µâ‡¥

â†µâ†µâ†µWVU1andONLY has won the internet this week. â†µ

â†µâ†µA close second is “ShortyLong,” who responds to this alternate universe theory ...â†µ

â†µ

â†µâ‡¥If Huggins was our football coach â†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥how doâ†µâ‡¥you think we would be this year.â†µâ‡¥I believe after our first loss we wouldn't lose again.â†µ

â†µâ†µ... with this ...â†µ

â†µâ†µâ‡¥I don’t think we would be very good because Bob Huggins is aâ†µâ‡¥basketball coach.â†µâ†µâ†µ... which draws this response from the original poster ...â†µ

â†µâ†µâ‡¥dude come on...how he gets his players to play...how he hates losing,â†µâ‡¥and not just happy to be there. your an idiot.â†µâ†µâ†µ... and we’re done here. I love that message board. It gets fiveâ†µinternets out of five. â†µ

â†µBIG 12

â†µâ†µOh ... it’s not good at Texas A&M. TexAgs.com isâ†µone of those uber-message boards along the lines of Spartan Tailgateâ†µor ND Nation that’sâ†µdeveloped its own culture after years of existence. All boardsâ†µeventually divide into two warring camps based on optimism levels.â†µSpartan Tailgate calls them “Sunshine Blowers” andâ†µ“Demand Excellencers.” ND Nation bans everyone in the latterâ†µgroup until such time as the moderators find themselves in it, at whichâ†µpoint they ban everyone in the former group. â†µ

â†µâ†µAt TexAgs.com the derogatory term for the sort of folk who useâ†µUNACCEPTABLE in all caps is “potbanger” and a guy named “Batzarro” starts a thread for their use, setting the stage forâ†µthis exchange:â†µ

â†µâ†µâ‡¥rtrd: pot banger or realist?â†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥Batzarro: It has been statistically proven thatâ†µâ‡¥potbangers over the last 7 years have been realists.â†µâ†µâ†µOkay, zing! That’s not why I bring it up. I bring it up because theâ†µnext guy in this thread thinks the only thing that can save Texasâ†µA&M is nuclear war: â†µ

â†µâ†µâ‡¥We’re past the “pot bangers” vs “stand pat”â†µâ‡¥debate - in today’s hype oriented college football environment, whereâ†µâ‡¥all the talent (player and coaches) gravitate towards the sexy programs,â†µâ‡¥the A&M football program will never recover.â†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥The next chance we’ll have is “on the other side” of theâ†µâ‡¥total financial collapse of college football as a whole. Maybe we’llâ†µâ‡¥fair better when college football is a more “inter-scholastic”â†µâ‡¥pursuit like all the other sports.â†µâ†µâ†µA zombie apocalypse would probably work, too. College Station isâ†µisolated and has lots of guns. Chances are they’d come out the otherâ†µside an attractive place to play football. â†µ

â†µACC

â†µâ†µOnly one item of note happened in the ACC this week: Jacory Harrisâ†µlost significant amounts of fly-ness en route to a four-interception dayâ†µand loss against North Carolina. Miami falls out of theâ†µBCS at-large picture and causes Canespace to get emo (your emoblogger approves!):â†µ

â†µâ†µâ‡¥Even John Lee Hooker, BB King and Stevie Ray Vaughn combined neverâ†µâ‡¥had the Carolina blues like this. It was sad, very, very sad.â†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥Is this what my wife convinced me to drive ten hours toâ†µâ‡¥see?â†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥For the Hurricanes to come out flat and unemotional once again andâ†µâ‡¥score zero points in the first quarter on the road? ... For Randyâ†µâ‡¥Shannon to have his team unprepared to play, argue calls with referees wellâ†µâ‡¥after plays are over and then losing once again to an inferior team andâ†µâ‡¥his mentor in Butch Davis? ... To hear more excuses and bitterâ†µâ‡¥disappointment from UM fans than ever before about why the Canes stillâ†µâ‡¥“are not there yet”?â†µâ†µâ†µThat is indeed an ugly road trip. One of the big negatives of being aâ†µMiami fan: every road game is a thousand miles away. Another: you’re probablyâ†µfeeling like Nebraska at this point. Power days have gone away,â†µseemingly permanently. â†µ

â†µPAC-10

â†µâ†µThe rest of the week in the Pac-10 played out according to script, soâ†µthere’s not a whole lot to mine. A quick trip toâ†µWashington’s Dawgman message board will turn up something insane about Ty Willingham, though.â†µRight?â†µ

â†µ

â†µâ‡¥Why did we fire Ty again? â†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥For going 0-12â†µâ‡¥without Locker, Polk and Savanah?â†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥How many wins did Ty have the year before when Jake was a freshman?â†µâ‡¥And how many is Sark going to get this year?â†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥So why exactly did we throw millions of dollars away to bring in thisâ†µâ‡¥chump?â†µ

â†µâ†µThanks, Dawgman!â†µ

â†µSEC

â†µâ†µIt was sort of a bad week for Tennessee. Three guysâ†µgot arrested for armed robbery and, adding insult to injury, drove awayâ†µin a Prius. Then the weekend happened: Tennessee got their faces smashedâ†µby Dexter McCluster and maybe one or two other guys on Ole Miss, andâ†µlinebacker LaMarcus Thompson suffering a scary injury that saw him takenâ†µoff the field on a back board.â†µ

â†µâ†µMemphispete reports back on an in-game comment by someone whoâ†µactually deploys “dadgum” in a seemingly unironicâ†µfashion:â†µ

â†µâ†µâ‡¥Immediately after the 71 yard run, during which heâ†µâ‡¥weaved in and out of Tennessee’s inept defense,â†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥Dadgum, that was a real McClusterf--- by ourâ†µâ‡¥defense.â†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥Um, never mind. Even if it made me nearly cry withâ†µâ‡¥laughter, it’s still too crude to refer to.â†µâ†µâ†µMeanwhile, Rocky Topâ†µTalk’s weekly haiku contest is off to a stirring start:â†µ

â†µâ†µâ‡¥if the ‘dores beat usâ†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥I will do something crazyâ†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥and get arrestedâ†µâ†µâ†µThat’s it for me. See you next week, when I post my dejected reactionâ†µto Michigan’s millionth-straight loss against Ohio State.â†µ

â†µ

This post originally appeared on the Sporting Blog. For more, see The Sporting Blog Archives.

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