‘Tis The Season To Give Tanks

Don’t act like you don’t know what I am talking about. Don’t look away from my disapproving stare! I see you over there...trading Drew Brees for Chad Pennington. And you over there...trading Larry Fitzgerald and Chris Johnson for Justin Fargas. You people disgust me!

In fantasy football leagues around the world, there will always be someone who thinks he can get away with tanking his season. Why tank? Let’s examine a few reasons:

1) The league gives out a prize for last place.
2) The owner is in cahoots with another owner or owners to combine the best players of each roster in order to make a play at the jackpot.
3) Someone is blatantly trying to subvert the league and all of the honor and joy that comes from participating in a well-run, rule-abiding league.

If a league gives out a monetary award for last place, do yourself a favor and don’t sign up for this league. Because the list of rules that has to accompany the last-place prize award in order for it to be legit are simply annoying. And if the commissioner is not vigilant, it will be like Enron all over again, with loopholes so big you could fit Kirstie Alley through them. Think about it...people do stupid things for money all the time. If you put money up for someone to finish last in fantasy football, you think someone won’t try to win it?

As for reason #3, never underestimate a bitter guy taking out his frustration on the world by dumping his entire roster onto the free agent scene. If you have played fantasy football long enough, this has happened to you. And you know how it goes down: You have a hard day at work, getting in early and staying late. You get home, crack a beer, and turn on the computer. The first thing you see as you log in is the long list of transactions that have gone down in the last 12 hours. Peyton Manning? Adrian Peterson? Dallas Clark? Holy crap! Not only have you missed the opportunity to add some of these players to your team, your nearest competitors are all way better than you now. Your only option now is to “philosophically oppose” the dumping of players, even though secretly you know that if you had been there first you would be pimping Peyton Manning this week. A bad day just got worse.

The most vile form of tanking though is of course the ancient art of collusion. You know it when you see it. It usually involves a team in the top 3 or top 5, but not necessarily the first place team. A team with no shot all of a sudden trades away their top quarterback for a wide receiver. What? If you happen to be the first place team in that league, cruising into the playoffs, you suddenly realize you will have to overcome an all-star fantasy team to win it all.

Here are some ways to avoid the messiness of the above situations:

1) Don’t reward fantasy incompetence. Eliminate the booby prize for last place (fantasy booby prize...I wonder if that is a website...)
2) Empower your commissioner to act fast and to act swiftly. If everyone knows it is not cool to flood the market with your best players, nobody will complain when the commissioner acts “in the best interests of the league” to rectify the situation.
3) Form a council that rules on shady trades and other shadiness in your league. And when people pull that crap, don’t invite them back.

It is one thing to mismanage the players on your roster. It is quite another thing when your actions begin to interfere with the natural order of your fantasy league. This isn’t the NBA. It’s fantasy football...tanking has no place here.