Does a neutral site mean “Advantage Galaxy” in Sunday’s final?

SEATTLE – To say that Real Salt Lake never traveled well is like saying most people aren’t exactly fond of cold sores. We’re talking colossal understatement.

Historically, RSL has been more dreadful on the road than a Paris Hilton pity party. In fact, the fellows from Rio Tinto would have to go on a 30-game road winning streak just to reach .500. Or so I’m told by Real Salt Lake PR chief Trey Fitz-Gerald, a good dude and a fellow Texas Longhorn who obviously has a thing for hyphens.

RSL’s record when traveling to play on artificial turf is worse still. As in, the team has NEVER won on the opposition fakey. The club is 0-8-3 on the road on plastic pitches, having been outscored 21-6. Just looking at such an abominable goal difference makes me cringe – the same way I cringed when watching the awful, ultimate gross-out heroin scene in the dandy little pick-me-up movie Requiem for a Dream.

But before you lament the passing of RSL’s chances Sunday, before you call "that guy who knows a guy" to bet on L.A. and start dreaming of your ill-gotten wealth, consider the implausible, recent wind shear of road success: RSL may have been stinky as French cheese all those years on the road, but Jason Kreis’ men did just wreck Columbus and taint-punch Chicago at their places in the playoffs. And that’s not bad.

Plus, no one is talking about this, but David Beckham does not hit a good ball on artificial turf. I’ve seen every one of his games in MLS since he arrived in 2007, and he has frequently struggled on the fakey. His dead ball service is especially inconsistent. The ball just doesn’t sit up on FieldTurf the way it does on grass.

Also, Beckham didn’t train all week in L.A. He said Friday that he ankle remains tender, but that he would surely play, even if he needs an injection.