Stephen Colbert, U.S. Speedskating Put Their Differences On Ice

That “feud” between Stephen Colbert and Olympic speedskater Shani Davis? It was an actual thing, believe it or not, hard as it is to imagine there being anyone left on the planet who doesn’t know better than to mix it up with him. Lesson learned: Don’t mess with the Colbert Nation, or they’ll ... raise a quarter of a million dollars on short notice to fund your trip to the Olympics?

↵No, really: The Colbert Report is now a major sponsor of the U.S. speedskating team.

↵↵

↵↵Impressive, no? As Colbert himself puts it, “I am the Michael Jordan of people who don’t deserve to be on the cover of Sports Illustrated.” (Yes, that’s also a real thing. Don’t act surprised, now.)