General

Going Bowling: Superlatives For Everyone Some!

Dec 18, 2009, 9:05 PM UTC

â†µReady or not, it’s on tomorrow: bowl season. The New Mexico Bowl goesâ†µoff with Fresno State -- hey, they almost beat Wisconsin -- taking onâ†µWyoming -- hey, they almost beat, uh, Air Force -- at 4:30 PM ET. You probablyâ†µwon’t be watching unless you really hate corporate sponsorship in names.â†µ

â†µâ†µVarious pre-bowl superlatives, with corporate sponsorship in namesâ†µredacted wherever possible:â†µ

â†µBizzaro World Bowl

â†µâ†µEagleBank Bowl: UCLA vs. Temple.â†µ

â†µâ†µOne: Temple is in a bowl game. Two: they have a much, much betterâ†µrecord than their opponent -- they are 9-3, UCLA is 6-6. Three: it’sâ†µoutside in Washington, D.C. and a Pac-10 team is playing in it. The Big Tenâ†µshould immediately swoop in on this thing just for the epic middleâ†µfinger of forcing a bunch of kids from UCLA to slog through a freezingâ†µgame at RFK.â†µ

â†µSeemingly Obvious Blowout That Isn’t

â†µâ†µEagleBank Bowl: UCLA vs. Temple. â†µ

â†µâ†µHey, we’re back. Seriously, if you were told with no otherâ†µinformation that these two teams had somehow gotten matched in a bowl,â†µwhat would you peg the spread at? 20? It’s UCLA -4, actually.â†µ

â†µActually Obvious Blowout

â†µâ†µGator Bowl: West Virginia vs. Florida State.â†µ

â†µâ†µBobby Bowden’s retirement dragged the 6-6 Seminoles and theirâ†µentirely hypothetical defense into a New Year’s Day game againstâ†µWest Virginia and Noel Devine. If Christian Ponder were around, maybe thisâ†µcould be a ridiculous shootout, but he’s not. Meanwhile, Devine mightâ†µaverage 80 yards a carry and spend an entire quarter pretending he’s Boâ†µJackson:â†µ

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â†µMost Egregious Offense Against New Year’s Day

â†µâ†µInternational Bowl: South Florida vs. Northernâ†µIllinois.â†µ

â†µâ†µNew Year’s Day used to be a season-capping orgy of great games; nowâ†µthe first week of January is littered with stinkers. This one beats outâ†µArkansas vs. East Carolina and South Carolina vs. UConn for the title.â†µ(Say what you want about the GMAC Bowl, but at least Central Michiganâ†µand Troy both won their conferences.)â†µ

â†µLeast Interested Team

â†µâ†µPitt in the Meineke Car Care Bowl vs. North Carolinaâ†µ

â†µâ†µNorth Carolina is a bland, mediocre team, but Pitt might get theirâ†µdoors blown off after consecutive heartbreaking losses to close theâ†µseason and a collapse from a potential BCS bid to something I onceâ†µreferred to as the Marklar Tire Marklar in Beautiful Marklar, Northâ†µMarklar. If they show up anything other than flat, it is a testament toâ†µthe Wannstache’s motivational skills, and when has that everâ†µhappened?â†µ

â†µMost Inexplicable Snub

â†µâ†µIowa State over Missouriâ†µ

â†µâ†µIt’s not like playing Minnesota in the Insight Bowl is any greatâ†µshakes, but a lose-lose “Why do you hate America?” game in theâ†µTexas Bowl against Navy was a bitter way for Missouri to enter theâ†µpostseason, especially when the Insight grabbed a 6-6 team that onlyâ†µmanaged to limp its way to bowl eligibility because of eight Nebraskaâ†µturnovers. Missouri, for its part, is 8-4 and just beat Iowa State byâ†µ10. â†µ

â†µFar More Interesting Than It Has Any Right To Be

â†µâ†µCitrus Jr. Bowl: Miami vs. Wisconsinâ†µ

â†µâ†µNeither of these teams is fantastic but how did the Outback pick up aâ†µfairly lame Northwestern-Auburn matchup while the little brother of theâ†µCitrus Bowl -- Champs Sports if you must know -- grabbed two ranked 9-3 teams?â†µThis game is on December 29th; it wouldn’t look out of place as a Citrusâ†µSr. matchup. Also, Wisconsin fans travel in droves. I have no idea howâ†µthey slid this far. â†µ

â†µMost Underrated

â†µâ†µOrange Bowl: Iowa vs. Georgia Techâ†µ

â†µâ†µI have heard nothing but complaining about this matchup from everyoneâ†µexcept Iowa and Georgia Tech fans when it seems like an excellent,â†µcompetitive game between two very good, but not great teams. These daysâ†µthat’s a best-case scenario for the Orange, which has suffered mightilyâ†µfrom Florida State’s plunge off the cliff of relevance. The game the ACCâ†µchampion gets slotted into has been a dog for most of the BCS era; whatâ†µthis one lacks in sex appeal it should make up for inâ†µcompetitiveness.â†µ

â†µAbsolutely Least Watchable

â†µâ†µHumanitarian Bowl: Bowling Green vs. Idahoâ†µ

â†µâ†µAt least when the Humanitarian Bowl was inexplicably affiliated withâ†µthe ACC it was fun to see a team like Miami roll into town, get offâ†µthe plane and attempt to get back on after 10 seconds. Now it’s just aâ†µ7-5 WAC team against a 7-5 MAC team. â†µ

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This post originally appeared on the Sporting Blog. For more, see The Sporting Blog Archives.

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