On December 30, 1975, in Cypress, Ca., Eldrick Tont Woods was born. Shortly thereafter, he was nicknamed “Tiger.” And then, 12,377 days later, having bedded roughly the same number of cocktail waitresses, he got into a mysterious car accident. Yes, that whole thing….
Happy Birthday Lebron And Tiger! December 30 Is The New Christmas
↵Meanwhile, on December 30, 1984 in Akron, Ohio, a boy named Lebron Raymone James was born, and the hospital staff immediately had to check his birth certificate. How could anyone be so good, so strong, and so young? they asked.
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So let’s celebrate! Sure, Tiger’s been disgraced in the past few weeks, but we shouldn’t let it obscure the obvious point here. We’ve been celebrating Christmas for years now, and that day only gave us ONE icon.
↵This is like… Christmas times two! Sports Christmas! Or something like that.
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Point is, despite Tiger’s recent transgressions, we’re talking a truly weird cosmic coincidence. Something beyond our purview, that only Keanu Reaves can understand. And when an athlete named Raymone Tont is tearing through the NHL in 2025… Well, there’ll be no need to check his birth certificate. All part of the matrix.
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↵*(But seriously. Lebron James is 25. Depending on your perspective, this either makes you feel really old, or... really, really old.)
↵**(Though not as old as Sandy Koufax, born December 30, 1935. Today he turns 74, and since he’s Jewish, sports Christmas just became secular!)
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