A Conflict Of Interest In The White House: Tar Heels vs. Blue Devils

Warning: What follows contains the name of the current president of the United States. However, any political inferences you could draw from it are intended solely as satire, not a commentary on his administration. So hold it all in, for once. ↵
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↵No matter what you think of Shane Battier, there’s no mistaking his value to the Rockets, or the fact that Battier played a major role in motivating that weekend miracle. Plus, Obama sidekick Reggie Love played with Battier at Duke. And the POTUS can’t very well be reaching out to Ron Artest, you know?↵
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↵It wasn’t even like Obama sent it from the Presidential Blackberry. He dictated it to Love, who passed it on to Battier. From Houston’s Fox affiliate (there’s video there, too, with Battier talking about the experience):↵↵⇥“Through Reggie he sent me a message that said ‘good job leading the guys in the face of adversity.’ It was pretty cool. Not your garden variety text message you get every day. It’s great that we have a sports fanatic in the White House who appreciates competition in sports. For the leader of the free world to acknowledge your leadership, it’s pretty cool.”↵↵Like Battier says, good to know that the leader of the free world is taking such a keen interest in the NBA playoffs, and bothered to watch a game most had figured would be a massacre (cue the haters: “doesn’t he have anything better to do?”). But wait, there’s an added layer of intrigue here. Obama has something of a history with those rascally Tar Heels, just down Tobacco Road. These quotes are from the Heels’ recent commemorative visit to the White House, via ABC News:↵

↵↵⇥“Congratulations on bringing Carolina its fifth national championship and more importantly, thanks for salvaging my bracket and vindicating me before the entire nation,” said Obama who very publicly chose UNC in his bracket to win the NCAA tournament. “That first round was rough on me.” [. . .]↵⇥
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↵⇥“I did have a chance to play ball with this crew just over a year ago when I visited Chapel Hill and I’m not sure whose luck rubbed off on who, I think there was just a good vibe going on there because they’re now national champions and I’m now president.”↵↵Seems like a real conflict of interest, right? Obama’s Duke connections run deep, but he clearly identifies with the Heels team -- never mind that UNC was a powerhouse, not an underdog trying to make history. Regardless, this has to be resolved, or at least address, immediately, if this man wants to maintain one single shred of the integrity we thought he had coming into office!↵
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↵If anyone took that seriously, chill. It’s called diplomacy; politicians, especially those operating on the international stage, sincerely play both sides all the time when it’s part of an overall strategy to improve the greater good. It’s not flip-flopping, wishy-washiness, or a sign of a grand conspiracy. Only hardcore sports fans, with no other window out to the world, think the world works that way.
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