Richard Gasquet Haunted by Cocaine Kiss
You know how it is. You’re hanging out in your favorite nightclub, having a few, dancing a bit, doing your thing. You meet some saucy bird out on the dance floor and the next thing you know you’re sucking face like two teenagers at a Pink Floyd concert. ↵↵Soon after that, of course, you test positive for cocaine and get fired from your job. And you’re like, “but I don’t even do blow!” But here’s the thing, mate – that broad you were playing tonsil hockey with last night? She was up to her gills in the white stuff, and clearly you slurped down a little of her toxicity along with a couple ounces of her saliva. It happens all the time. That is why I never kiss random chicks when I’m up in the club. Never French kiss them anyway. Because that’s how the blow gets into your bloodstream, the French kissing. ↵
↵↵The problem for tennis player Richard Gasquet is that he’s French. He doesn’t know any other way to kiss. Poor bloke. ↵
↵↵Back in May, Gasquet tested positive for cocaine after the Sony Ericsson Open and immediately resorted to the old “I kissed a girl and I liked it” defense (why isn’t anyone using this excuse for steroids?). Lots of people found this explanation dubious, but these people clearly do not make out with chicks a lot in clubs and therefore don’t know what it’s like out there for a pimp. I mean, seriously, I had this friend had to go to rehab for blow, and he’d never done a line in his life. It was all from the club kissing. The kid was strung out. ↵
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↵Gasquet earned himself a one-year ban from the tennis circuit due to his loose lips, but in July, an anti-doping tribunal reduced the suspension to two months and 15 days, citing the “probably unique" circumstances of Gasquet’s situation. And thus, having missed both this year’s French Open and Wimbledon, it looked as if the Frenchman was going to get back on the court in time for the U.S. Open. Lesson learned, sentence served, end of story. ↵
↵↵Not so fast. The International Tennis Federation is having none of the clemency business and is appealing Gasquet’s case to the Court of Arbitration for Sport, which resides in Lausanne, Switzerland. Originally, the ITF had sought a two-year ban for Gasquet, and clearly those hardasses aren’t giving up without a fight. ↵
↵↵In short, it’s bad news for Gasquet, and bad news for anyone who likes to make out with professional tennis players at nightclubs to try and inadvertently contaminate them with cocaine. It was a fun game while it lasted.↵
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This post originally appeared on the Sporting Blog. For more, see The Sporting Blog Archives.
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