General

DeShawn Stevenson’s New Ink: A National Treasure

Sep 29, 2009, 7:25 PM UTC

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â†µDeShawn Stevenson showed up in camp with a host of new tattoos aroundâ†µhis face and neck, and predictably, the internet went nuts. Duh. Can’tâ†µyou people see he’s playing you like a five-dollar viola? At least Mikeâ†µTyson lost his mind, and Weezy’s got dual residency with space. This isâ†µjust some dumb publicity stunt that’s working like clockwork.
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â†µOr is it? Over at BDL, Skeets took the time to put up all known photos and dig a little deeper, posting this explanation from Washington Times:â†µâ†µâ‡¥Stevenson is again sporting his beard, but vows to “keepâ†µâ‡¥it clean for the Wizards.” He had a close cut, but had a rat-tail. Heâ†µâ‡¥also is sporting new ink. On his right temple, along his hairline isâ†µâ‡¥etched LONDYN, his 1-year-old son’s name. On his left cheek bone isâ†µâ‡¥inked the Pitsburgh Pirate’s ‘P’, “for the Pittsburgh, that’s myâ†µâ‡¥favorite team. Barry Bonds, when he first started.” The thing about theâ†µâ‡¥P is, however, that it’s backwards and looks more like a 9. DeShawnâ†µâ‡¥tried to explain, “No, if you’re standing where Dom’s standing andâ†µâ‡¥looking at me, it looks like a P.” ... The final new tat is a crack onâ†µâ‡¥the left side of Stevenson’s forehead. He said it’s because “I don’tâ†µâ‡¥crack. I feel like people always try to break me, but I don’t crack.â†µâ‡¥So, I put that there.”â†µâ†µ

Here’s how I know that DeShawn got this done the morningâ†µbefore camp, possibly without his contacts in: If he doesn’t crack, whyâ†µis there a crack on his head? And doesn’t that lend itself to aâ†µsuper-easy “crackhead” pun? Moving on, unless Stevenson thinks Dom is aâ†µwalking rearview mirror, or himself suffers from some serious visionâ†µproblems (RESPECT THE CONTACTS THEORY), there’s no reason the “P” hasâ†µto be backward. I call gang sign.
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â†µThen there’s the giant Abe Lincoln on his neck, flanked by two 5’s. Iâ†µcan only suspect that Lincoln was inspired by the renewed interest inâ†µHonest Abe sparked by the Obama comparisons. Which, naturally, leadâ†µStevenson to associate himself with Lincoln. Or maybe that broughtâ†µLincoln to his attention, and he was like “that’s the beard I’ve got.”â†µOr maybe he’s been looking for a way to keep the neck beard withoutâ†µanyone accusing him of having joined the Taliban or moving to Westâ†µPhilly. Or wait ... is this a convenient cover-up for ... I’ll stopâ†µbefore I put my life in danger.â†µ

This post originally appeared on the Sporting Blog. For more, see The Sporting Blog Archives.

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