Breaking Down Charlie Brown’s Baseball Futility

Sometimes, there are ideas that seem just too good to be real. A record of Charlie Brown’s legendarily moribund baseball team would be one of those ideas, and yet, thanks to the magnificent folks at Wezen-Ball, that now exists.

The recap only runs through “Peanuts” in the 1950s and 1960s, but that’s plenty of time to produce eye-popping stats. For example, in 1960, the team goes 0-20, giving up 3,040 runs. That would probably put Charlie’s ERA north of 16.50, except for the team’s 300 errors that year.

And the team only ever seems to win when Chuck isn’t involved. For five of the seven wins explicitly mentioned, he is: sick; at camp; forced from the game by a line drive; hiding at home after a loss; and so distracted by the Little Red-Haired Girl in the stands that he leaves the game entirely. The other two wins? Forfeit.

So, no, Charlie Brown will not be making it to the Hall of Fame. But his annals of shame make for good reading about the pain of losing, and there’s a lot more to the Wezen-Ball posts than just the stats. What were you going to do with your afternoon, read more about Lane Kiffin?

↵