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USF Didn’t Hire the High School Kid, But Some Schools Should Have Taken a Look

Jan 28, 2010, 10:00 PM UTC

â†µ It's too bad South Florida hired Skip Holtz, because if they were any of a half-dozen schools that made wacky hires in the recent past it would be easy to point to this kid…â†µ

â†µâ†µâ‡¥â†µâ‡¥On Jan. 8, the day USF President Judy Genshaft and athletic director Doug Woolard announced at a noon news conference that the university had dismissed Leavitt, at least nine resumes/applications were e-mailed to USF officials either directly from coaches or their agents. …â†µâ‡¥
â†µâ‡¥â†µâ‡¥The most off-beat applicant: Michael Moore, a high school student in Texas who has no coaching experience but decided to e-mail university officials about the job.â†µâ‡¥

â†µâ†µâ†µ…and say that they should have hired that guy as long as his grades in AP calculus were decent. Skip Holtz is coming off back-to-back conference championships, though, and seems like a good choice. USF probably made the right move here by passing over the kid. â†µ

â†µâ†µIf Mr. Moore had emailed a few other schools, though, he might have actually gotten the job. At least an interview. Let’s hit some of the cover letter highlights Moore should have issued to…â†µ

â†µUSC

â†µâ†µâ‡¥As a sophomore I’ll be around for more than 14-21 months before going off to college.
â†µâ‡¥After two weeks without shaving, patches of slight stubble are detectable on face.
â†µâ‡¥Can double as distractingly cute kid during introductory press conference.
â†µâ‡¥Second line on resume—“won online Madden league”—more relevant than “hot wife.”
â†µâ‡¥Not an infamous nationwide punch-line. Also have never made Al Davis look sane.

â†µâ†µ

â†µTENNESSEE

â†µâ†µâ‡¥Lifetime coaching record of .500 (0-0) beats Derek Dooley by three games.
â†µâ‡¥Father was third-team all-state in the shotput 30 years ago and can come along as QB coach.
â†µâ‡¥Have never met another college football coach and therefore don’t care that you gave guaranteed contracts to assistants in their first year at the school.
â†µâ‡¥See above for sophomore bit. Moore era guaranteed to be long and glorious in comparison to last guy.

â†µâ†µTEXAS TECH

â†µâ†µâ‡¥This one time when I was five I put my hand on a hot stove and was burned pretty badly, and then I didn’t do the exact same thing again like two weeks later.
â†µâ‡¥Due to Keira Knightley fascination, have memorized all dialogue from Pirates of the Caribbean trilogy.
â†µâ‡¥Play aforementioned “Madden” just like Mike Leach calls plays.

â†µâ†µSAN JOSE STATE

â†µâ†µâ‡¥Hire would bring program more attention than rest of program’s existence put together.

â†µâ†µâ†µCompelling reasons, all, without even mentioning the humorous mixups arising from Moore sharing a name with an obese flamethrowing documentarian. The sitcom plots write themselves.â†µ

â†µ

This post originally appeared on the Sporting Blog. For more, see The Sporting Blog Archives.

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