Dick Vitale Gets Booth To Himself; Our World Is Forever Different

Dan Shulman and Dick Vitale were calling the ACC Championship between Georgia Tech and Duke. Then this happened.

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↵Duke’s Kyle Singler flew into the broadcast table, knocking out Dan Shulman’s mic. But not Dick Vitale’s.

↵Yes, friends. For about a minute, Dick Vitale had the broadcast to himself. In case you’re wondering how it went, here’s a paraphrase:

↵↵THAT WAS A CHAAAARGE! YOU GONNA CALL A CHARGE? CHAAARGE! HAHA, CHAAAAAAAAAARGE! DAN, YOU GONNA CALL A CHAAAAARGE BABY?!?!? CHAAAAAAAAAAA [...] AAAAARGE!

↵↵For that minute, the Earth stopped rotating. The rivers stopped flowing. The clouds overhead ground to a hot. In a bistro in Paris, tea stopped pouring out of the kettle, frozen mid-stream. The NORAD atomic clock went offline. My alarm clock, which formerly showed 1:56 PM, started flickering signs of the Zodiac. I checked my pulse. There was no pulse, but I was still alive, suspended in a universal soup of shadows and dust.

↵Then Shulman was reconnected to the microphone. The laws of nature resumed their previous functions, but know that tomorrow when you go to the beach, you will find legions of marine life beached upon the shore. Look out your window. Observe the sparrows flying haphazardly into trees and buildings. They know what has happened. Something has been set askew and cannot be made right again.