Meet The People Who Will Win Your Bracket Pool

Almost everyone with a casual knowledge of college basketball picked Kansas to go far. Sure, there were some homers who wanted, say, Georgetown to beat them in an Elite Eight matchup, but the consensus was that Kansas was going to the Final Four at the very least.

↵As such, most of your co-workers who submitted a bracket to your office pool are havin’ the troubles. You’re probably one of them. Here are the people who are leading your office pool.

↵Mary, accounting dept.
Mary saw “Maryland” on the bracket, giggled, daydreamed for a few minutes, and penciled the Terps to take the Midwest.

↵Josh, marketing dept.
Josh struggles with a hyper-specific disorder that compels him to write “Lehigh” at every opportunity. He picked Lehigh to beat Kansas, just as he picked Lehigh to win the Xavier-Minnesota game. Also, over the weekend he went to everyone’s desk and tried to re-arrange the letters on the keyboard to read, “Lehigh.” He ran out of Hs, sobbed, and locked himself in the supply closet, where he remains at this hour.

↵Randy, procurement dept.
Randy is a time traveler from the year 2017. He is forbidden from speaking, lest he divulge the events leading up to the Universal Confluence of 2014. However, he did decide to submit a bracket that is 100% correct because he is a jerk.

↵Nameless limp-legged janitor
Nameless limp-legged janitor ate the brackets and stole all the money.

↵David, IT department
David submitted 9,223,372,036,854,775,808 brackets -- one for each mathematical possibility. The entry fee for the pool was $1 per bracket, and there aren’t 9,223,372,036,854,775,808 dollars in the entire world, but your boss, who is managing the pool, is really bad at counting. His “points scored in the championship game” tiebreaker answer is the letter Y followed by what looks like an ampersand. He makes more money than you.