As the closer for a mediocre National League team out on the west coast, Heath Bell doesn’t get a lot of attention. But when he does, oh boy! He certainly does take advantage of the limelight.
↵Bell on his potential nickname:
Heath Bell Says Aliens Invented Computers. Don’t Question Sticky Buns!
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↵DB: You know how they call Pablo Sandoval "Kung Fu Panda." Don't you think that could have been your nickname? You're oversized, yet agile.
↵Bell: He definitely karate-chops the ball; he's got the kung-fu power. I was more of a Sticky Buns kind of guy. I'd probably eat some Sticky Buns, some donuts, probably have one around my waist. I do sweat a lot, so I guess my buns would be sticky [laughs].
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↵Bell on how aliens invented computers:
↵↵Bell: But I definitely believe in UFOs and the government ... You know in “Men in Black,” how the toaster’s been patented and TVs? I do believe that’s alien technology.
↵DB: The toaster?
↵Bell: I’m just giving you an example from “Men in Black” where they say the patent from the toaster and 8-track player is from alien technology. I believe that computers are from aliens.
↵↵And Bell on his fighting tactics:
↵↵DB: There’s recent video of a horrendous baseball fight in Cuba. You should look for it. How do you act in a baseball fight?
↵Bell: Like a wrestler. WWE. Jake the Snake. I’m picking up guys, putting their heads in a bag with a big, giant anaconda. I’ve got one in a box in the dugout just in case we get into a fight. And I’ve watched the Nolan Ryan-Robin Ventura video so I’m really hoping that someone someday charges me ...↵You know what? Just do yourself a favor and spend 15 minutes reading the whole thing. I can’t even begin to discuss the amazingness that is Heath Bell.
↵(WARNING: Bell talks a lot about his “big booty.” You have been warned.)
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