Jason Heyward’s nickname is, depending on who you ask, “Say Heyward” or “the J-Hey Kid.” Both of these are, of course, clever allusions to Willie Mays’ iconic “Say Hey Kid” nickname, and that alone should completely invalidate them.
Jason Heyward Needs A Nickname. No, A Real One
↵Willie Mays? Really? One of the greatest players of all time, and we’re just going to reappropriate his name with some tepidly clever pun for a rookie that doesn’t even play like him? I was just a young child when Bo Jackson first broke into the league, so correct me if I’m wrong, but I’m pretty sure we didn’t go around calling him “Bobe Ruth” or “The Great Bo-mbino.” Because that would be stupid.
↵So let’s do Mssrs. Heyward and Mays a favor and drop the idea that the two should be linked simply based on the fact that Heyward’s last name starts with “Hey.” After all, if Heyward turns out great, he’ll do so by being his own player with his own identity. If he turns out to be Black Richie Sexson, well, we’ll all look like idiots for inviting the comparison to a legend in the first place. Thus, let’s explore some new options that aren’t cheap ripoffs of baseball royalty.
- ↵↵Adenolith- Jason Heyward’s wholly unique middle name.
- ↵Death Lion- Anagram of above.
- ↵Carry On My Heyward Son- IMPORTANT NOTE: Use this only if you are Chris Berman and you don’t care that everybody’s been tired of your “name people after some song you just heard on that classic rock station that always plays too much Aerosmith” schtick for at least a decade.
- ↵Heyward Jabl [we’re just going to cut this one off right here. And no.--ed.]
- ↵Boomstick- Now we’re talking. Solid movie reference, appropriate given Heyward’s absurd power, fun to say. Can’t miss. The person who suggested that on Twitter told me not to forget who came up with it, but, uh, I forgot who said that.
- ↵Whatever Jason’s friends called him as a kid- Unless it’s something like J or Jay, in which case, to hell with Heyward’s childhood.
- ↵Joltin’ Jay Dimaggiheyward- I think we’ve found our winner.
↵
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