Tiger Woods Is Still Everyone’s Favorite Celebrity Punching Bag

↵↵The five stars are all making news for dipping in to the Tiger Woods pool this week, some with critiques and some with nothing more than a well-placed Alicia Keys reference. But Tiger Woods is clearly still America’s punching bag.↵

↵↵First, we can somewhat excuse Simmons from the list because his ESPN column on the Masters was more a shot at Nantz, Augusta National and Billy Payne than one at Woods. But he did mention in his lede that his wife – the SportsGal – cried after Phil Mickelson hugged his wife Amy, uttering, “I hate Tiger Woods.”↵

↵↵Carrey made the most news of all, sending out rather pointed tweets about Tiger and Elin during the Masters that included:↵

↵↵⇥No wife is blind enough to miss that much infidelity. Elin had 2 b a willing participant on the ride 4 whatever reason. kids/lifestyle ;^)↵↵It’s interesting that Carrey’s comments were actually defending Woods to a point, saying that he doesn’t condone infidelity but there are always two parties involved, especially when it gets as outlandish as what Tiger was doing. There were more tweets after that as well, including this note about the pile-on mentality of celebrity fall from grace: “Whenever we form a consensus about some1 we envy, who’s stumbling, our collective ego LOVES to flex it’s unified muscle! S’ugly! }%^O.” ↵↵Of course, because PR people are paid to spin these kinds of things, this all led up to a written (ahem) apology by Carrey that was sent out yesterday:↵

↵↵⇥“To anyone whose grievances have chosen me as their cause, I would say first, that I recognize that tendency in myself, but if you knew me well, you’d see that your resentment has been misplaced. I wish every human being nothing but love and immeasurable happiness,” Carrey said in a statement Tuesday. “Now, I’m going to re-enter the Twitter stream and see if there is anyone left to offend!”↵↵

Next came Hefner, who shared some of his thoughts on the recent celebrity infidelity at his 84th birthday party in Las Vegas, saying “[w]hen you get married, you make a commitment. I had a lot of girlfriends, but it’s not the same as cheating. I don’t cheat. I am very open about what I do... I think that when you are in a relationship, you should be honest. The real immorality of infidelity is the lying.”↵↵Oh, and as for the whole “sex addition” defense, Hefner isn’t buying it:↵

↵↵⇥“This whole idea that it’s a sex addiction is a cop out. Some people become obsessed with sex, but it’s not like an alcohol or drug addiction. He [Tiger] did it because he could get away with it.”↵↵And that’s coming from a guy who built an empire on selling sex. If he doesn’t believe that sex is an addiction on the same lines as alcohol or drugs, we’re supposed to believe who? Doctors? You can have doctors. I’ll trust Hef on this one.↵↵Rock, on the media circuit plugging his new movie, talked to Tavis Smiley in an interview that will air tomorrow. He suggested that Woods refrain from saying he won’t stray again, offering the advice of saying, “I’m going to try and do my best.”↵

↵↵⇥“You never know when Alicia Keys might give you that look. What are you going to do? You’re powerless,” Rock said. “He’s like, ‘This is worth getting hit with another golf club.’↵⇥↵⇥“I’ll take a golf club for Alicia Keys. You can mess up three cars!”↵⇥

↵↵↵And last, but not least, there’s Nantz, who did his best during the Masters telecast to focus on golf and not on Tiger’s troubles away from the course. He did, however, have some pointed comments about Woods’ behavior on the course, telling Mike Francesa on WFAN (via Yahoo):↵

↵↵⇥“If I said what he said on the air, I would be fired. I read in the USA Today and it was called “mild language.” Someone on my broadcast dismissed it as him having a camera in his face. Well, guess what? Phil Mickelson had a camera in his face all week and did you even hear him come close to approaching that? He didn’t hit every shot the way he wanted. Have you ever heard Arnold Palmer or Jack Nicklaus use that kind of language? What are the parameters between what’s right or wrong?”↵↵Nantz chided Woods for his behavior, specifically in light of the fact that Woods promised to be more even keeled on the course. Nantz brought up the fact that even if there weren’t cameras around, there were a few hundred patrons around the tee box who heard him use questionable language. Perhaps Nantz felt that addressing the situation during the telecast would draw more attention to it – I’m pretty sure we all rewound our DVR to make sure Tiger said “you suck” and not something even more offensive anyway – or maybe Nantz didn’t want to take away from the action on the course by piling even more on Woods after a bad shot. The prudent move on TV was to forget it happened and move on. The piling on could be left for radio interviews after the fact.↵↵The comments above aren’t your typical “Phil’s good, Tiger’s bad” pablum that some writers fell into this week – a writing point that, while I think I fell into that a little bit myself, was adeptly crushed by CBS columnist Gregg Doyel – but those comments are part of a pile on that comes with a fall from grace for someone like Woods.↵

↵↵Maybe we could just get this over all at once. Let’s turn it into a roast. Tiger could sit in a big comfy chair and the likes of Hefner and Nantz and Simmons and Rock and Carrey could lob one-liners at him until we’ve all had our fill. Maybe we could even get David Letterman to host it. He’s got some personal experience with this kind of thing.↵

↵↵Oh, and if you believe the report by Kevin Frazier of ET, the Woods family will be working out a divorce settlement as the marriage “is indeed over.” Then Tiger can go back to sleeping with random women and nobody will call him an addict anymore. I believe the term is “ladies man.” But you might want to check with Hefner on that first.↵

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