Your Television Loves You: What To Watch On Saturday, June 5

Here’s how SB Nation recommends you operate your television set on Saturday, June 5. All times Eastern.

Sandwich
What’s wrong with your sandwich? Made ya a perfectly good sandwich.

Crust
Crust tastes the same as the rest of the bread! When I was as short as you are, we ain’t even invented bread yet. Just crusts! Crusts everywhere!

Skeptical
Don’t believe ya grandpa, eh? Early every mornin,‘ my papa would go out an’ plant the crust seeds, and my mama was in the kitchen, makin’ crust casserole!

Crust casserole
Well, ya had to get started early to have crust casserole ready in time for supper. Gotta mix the crust together with some milk an’ curds, set it over the stove... gotta mix the crust and the milk an’ curds first, gotta make that clear. So ya mix the milk and curds together with the crust, set it on the stove. By the time supper rolls around, ya got a nice crust casserole! The casserole’s got crust in it, and it’s got the milk an’ curds too.

Sandwich
What’s wrong with the way I cut it?

Not how Mom does it
Well, tough wallies, kiddo! Your mama’s shoppin’ at the shoppin’ malls today. You’re spendin’ today with ya grandpa!

Diagonal
It tastes the same! Doesn’t matter if ya slice it diagonal or horizontal or vertical! Sandwich is a sandwich! You keep givin’ me grief, I’m gonna sell ya to the forest people!

Forest people
Already told you about the dang forest people! I’ll have you know, they don’t even slice up their sandwich at all! Just eat the whole thing in one bite! Gulp! No more sandwich! Their mouths are big enough to shove a typewriter into!

Typewriter
Typewriter’s about... yea big.

Shudder
God-dang right!