Since June 9, the Chicago White Sox have been the best team in baseball, having assembled a 31-11 record within that span. They have completely mastered the game of baseball, and it appears as though they’re devolving into Dadaism and general apathy. This is what happened on Tuesday alone:
The Chicago White Sox Are Getting Weird
- Ozzie Guillen confirmed that he practices voodoo.
- Mark Teahen started a fire near the Chicago dugout before Tuesday’s game and burned a couple of Mark Kotsay’s bats.
- Mark Kotsay did not know when the trade deadline is, and when informed, he didn’t seem to care.
- General manager Ken Williams changed the name of U.S. Cellular Field to, simply, “Gregory.” When asked why, he said he simply thought it was a nice name. The White Sox are also now named Gregory.
- Andruw Jones spent the afternoon gathering rocks and pebbles he found in the parking lot, then stood near the turnstiles with a pile of them cupped in his hands while asking questions of people who walked past. “Would Grandfather be proud?” he asked. “What if there were no triangles? What time is Spiro Agnew?”
- In the third inning, starter Gavin Floyd hung his jersey and cap on a coat rack, wheeled it to the mound, sat cross-legged behind it, ate a stack of pancakes, and wept softly.
- David Lynch was hired as pitching coach. The bullpen now has a checkered floor, and the walls are draped with red curtains. He acquired the services of White Sox alumnus Ron Karkovice to sit in a rocking chair and mumble things about rodents.
- This video is to be played on the Jumbotron every time an umpire calls a balk.
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