Why Are We Indicting Roger Clemens For Perjury?

Okay, so I understand perjury is a crime, and by all indications, Clemens perjured himself here:

But if we’re prosecuting Roger Clemens for perjury, shouldn’t there be some injury? I loathe Clemens as much as anyone, but can’t we find some other way to humiliate him? Take away his Cy Youngs, or something. Or have John Kruk fart on his face for a half-hour straight on a pay-per-view special, then donate the money to charity.

(“Either Krukie breaks wind for the next 25 minutes, or it’s six months in jail, Roger.”)

Anything would be better than parading this case around like some great victory for justice.

Bottom line: It makes no sense to waste endless federal tax dollars pursuing this stuff. To prove, beyond a reasonable doubt, that Roger Clemens is a soulless sack of... growth hormones and false Texas charm. We already know that.

To justify prosecuting someone for perjury, shouldn’t there be some injury involved?

Maybe that’s a simplistic way to look at perjury, in general, but it works just fine here. We’re talking about someone who lied before a congressional committee that was convened because... People were mad that baseball players were taking steroids. And steroids are illegal, and it sets a bad example for kids.

Well what if Congress decided to convene a Congressional hearing on the rampant marijuana use in the NBA? Would we prosecute the superstar players that lied about it?

Of course not. It’d be ludicrous for Congress to investigate whether marijuana is robbing the American people of the best possible NBA product, just like it’d be nothing less than insane, McCarthy-esque zealotry for a Grand Jury to indict Rasheed Wallace if he lied about smoking pot.

But that’s sort of what’s happening here.

Again, I hate Roger Clemens as much as anyone in sports, so this isn’t about sympathizing with a cantankerous fat-ass who used drugs to make an extra $100 million toward the end of his career. But for the rest of us, isn’t there a better way to spend our government’s time and money?

We could convene a panel of bloggers (for free) to come up with creative ways to punish Roger for his perjury, turn it into a reality show, and sit back to count our money. Instead, the government will ask us to pretend that justice is being served here, and we’ll continue to spend our days arguing over things like steroids, gay marriage, and Mosques at Ground Zero, conveniently ignoring the obvious concussion problem in the NFL and an economy that is its very own pile of rubble, chaos, and national tragedy.

Personally, I think we should just let Kruk fart on Roger’s face and call it a day.