You are Jerry Richardson, owner of the Carolina Panthers, and you just chose Cam Newton as your first round pick. Your jowls looks resplendent today, by the way.
2011 NFL Draft Choose Your Own Adventure: Page 89; You’re Jerry Richardson
Well, welcome to the family Cameron. I and the rest of the Carolina Panthers family are excited to have you here. First, I plan to start you. Oh, yes, you will start, because in this country we work for a living, and that is what you will do. And man, you’ll have to do some work, something you’ll know if you’ve seen how our offensive line played last year. But we need attendance, and I’m happy to throw you to the wolves if people will come and watch it, because these rednecks still won’t watch football without some kind of college connection, and I’m about that paper, son.
[Mr. Richardson makes a clumsy and poorly received gang sign]
As you know, I’m a fair but tough negotiator. I understand what it’s like to be a player, since I was one back when you could run a 5.5 and still start at wide receiver. I offer you $48 a day plus a day off every three months. It’s more than I made, and I played the 1959 season with full-blown tuberculosis. Do well and I will up it to $100 a week and include free meals at one of my Hardee’s every morning.
A Thickburger endorsement deal will be part of your duties. Make the Pro Bowl, and you will receive ten free Thickburgers for your work. I assure you success is the tastiest dish, but I’ll be danged if the three slices of All-American beef and six slices of American cheese on a multi-stack bun doesn’t come close
As I said, I’m tough but fair.
You are Jerry Richardson, and your first round draft pick has just entered a lengthy lockout exacerbated by your well-intentioned but poorly received offer of a Hardee's franchise job for your very involved father, Cecil Newton. (Perhaps you should have at least gone management-track, but that's our unsolicited opinion.) It pretty much goes downhill from there, and Newton winds up with the Cowboys three years later backing up starting QB, Chunky Soup spokesperson, and 2013 MVP Jason Campbell.
See More:
