Only 22 shopping days until Christmas. Even less until Hannukah. One more if you celebrate Kwanzaa. If you don’t celebrate any of these holidays or don’t otherwise have any reason to give gifts during the winter, you’ll probably want to skip this. Wait, it’s funny. Don’t skip it.
The Perfect Holiday Gift For Your Favorite Ballplayer
When making your holiday shopping list, don’t forget a gift for your favorite ballplayer. We’ve got some suggestions.
When it comes to gifts for your mom, dad, kids, siblings, cousins, significant others and office crush, you’re on your own. But I do have some gift ideas for the other loves of your life. Your favorite baseball player. Or manager. Or baseball writer.
Sure, every ballplayer would probably like a life-size poster of himself for his man cave. Or the ceiling of his bedroom. But that’s a weird gift for you to give him. Instead, some suggestions for REAL. BIG. FATHEADS. you can give as gifts.
For Ryan Braun: an Aaron Rodgers Fathead. They are BFFs after all.
For Matt Kemp: a Ryan Braun Fathead because Braun is Kemp's "homeboy."
For J.T. Snow: a Pudge Rodriguez Fathead, so he can try knocking the ball out of Pudge's glove a few more times.
For Dale Sveum: a Ryan Sandberg Fathead for his office at Wrigley Field. For inspiration. Or motivation.
For Evan Grant, Texas Rangers beat reporter for the Dallas Morning News: an Ian Kinsler Fathead, to teach him what a team MVP looks like. And so this never happens again.
Gotta show some love to our ubiquitous, tweeting ballplayers and managers. After all, Bud Selig is probably planning to send them each this t-shirt.
For Logan Morrison and Nyjer Morgan: an MP3 of John Mayer's song: Say What You Need To Say. For the song title only. Not the music itself. Definitely not the music.
For Brandon McCarthy: The new two volume set from our friends at Baseball Prospectus: The Best of Baseball Prospectus: 1996-2011, because he likes the thinking side of the game. And so he can tell us how we don't understand any of it.
For Ozzie Guillen: a gift certificate for Rosetta Stone, so he can master all the languages spoken in Miami. Or none of them.
For those players who, at one time or another, were called out for lack of -- hmm, how shall we say this? -- hustle. We’re looking at you Alex Rios. And Hanley Ramirez. And Andrew McCutchen. And Starlin Castro. Pick up the pace on the field and when the game is over, you can snuggle up in your ForeverLazy. And don’t be boring. Get them the pink one.
For Jeff and Jered Weaver, B.J. and Justin Upton, Andy and Adam LaRoche, Scott and Jerry (Jr.) Hairston, and Jose and Yadier Molina: the Coen Brothers Collection DVD Set, the Farrelly Brothers Collection DVD Set, the Wayans Brothers -- The Complete First Season. Because these players are hardly ever reminded of having a brother who also plays major-league baseball.
For Bobby Valentine: Maybe he invented the wrap. Maybe he didn't. But as the new Red Sox manager, Bobby V. is going to be serving up nutritious meals for his players. Well, more nutritious than what they ate last season. So we suggest the new cookbook The Hollywood Wrap: 100 Easy Meals to Fuel Your Workout and Help You Lose Weight.
For Santiago Casilla (nee Jairo Garcia) and Juan Carlos Oviedo (née Leo Nunez): The most recent edition of How to Change Your Name Without A Lawyer: The National Name Change Kit. Yeah, it could be too late for that.
For Adam Dunn and Vernon Wells: Tom Emanski's instructional baseball videos. Something, anything to try to get their groove back.
And finally, for Derek Jeter: In the wake of his break-up with Minka Kelly, a yearly membership in It's Just Lunch. Just in case he's having trouble finding the next -- er, right -- woman.
The clock is ticking. Get to it.
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