Advertising Pitch: The REAL Pepsi-Coke Challenge

To Whom It May Concern at PepsiCo, Inc:

↵Here’s a five-step plan I have for re-branding your, uh, brand. I expect nothing in return except a re-energized American economy.

↵1. Genetically engineer a human person named Pepsi.

↵2. Train that genetically engineered person to become a baseball pitcher with, like, a 92-95 mph fastball and three-pitch mix.

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↵5. Profit wildly.

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