Item! Ex-Rep. Tom Davis, who chaired the hearings at which Roger Clemens perjured himself (according to top cop Eric Holder), declared that the former pitcher “has suffered enough.“ Not for this reporter he hasn’t!
This Week In Steroids
↵Item! Mike Jacobs tested positive for HGH and was subsequently released by the Mets. HGH is just steroids, by the way. Anyone who tells you different is a liar. Steroids, HGH, Cymbalta... it’s all the same damned thing.
↵Item! George Mitchell, the hero cop who exposed dozens of ballplayers as effete, steroid-ingesting weirdos, says jobs are the key to a healthy economy. Jobs, and vitally-needed blimp deregulation, says your humble reporter.
↵Item! Andy Pettitte will host the 16th annual San Jacinto Foundation Golf Tournament in October. Pettitte, you’ll remember, is alleged to have taken steroids with the long-suffering Roger Clemens. There is currently a bill on Capitol HIll which, if passed, would deport Pettitte back to France (or, as the bill’s authors call it, “Steroid-istan”). Godspeed, you legislative lions!
↵Item! Sources tell TWIS that a certain outfielder who plays for one of the Canadian teams is hitting home runs at a rate not seen since the bad old days of the Steroid Era. Could this anonymous slugger be using steroids? Can’t say for sure, loyal readers, but until I track this story down, bet every cent you have that he’s guilty.
↵Until next week, steroid haters!
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