After a public outcry, Astros owner Jim Crane announced the team will not be changing its name. But what other changes might be in store for Houston?
Name Or Astro-Name?
↵• Integrated Solutions Stadium Brought To You By DynamiCorp
↵• The New Six Flags Dancers: MLB’s First All-Male Cheerleading Squad
↵• Infield grass to be replaced with gorgeous Southern Pine hardwood
↵• Manager’s beautiful but luckless niece will seduce team’s best player
↵• Random drug tests will extend to season ticket holders
↵• High-def scoreboard now gets Starz
↵• Games will start promptly at 7pm, not 7:05, because why prolong this?
↵• Lucrative Mexican barnstorming tour will take precedence over league schedule
↵• Deck chairs to be rearranged weekly
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