Soon, the dead of winter will completely swallow up the NFL season. The holidays will give way to the dumb playoffs and the boring old Super Bowl. The games upon games of lousy and sloppy play will disappear, giving way to only a handful of contests. Whither the Week in Worst then? Whither the Week in Worst then?
The Week in Worst: It’ll all be over soon
When it comes to people screwing up, the NFL never disappoints. Here’s the worst of the worst for Week 14.
Tom Lynn
Bill Hanstock is a writer, author and Emmy Award-winning producer. He began writing for SB Nation in 2011.
But for now, let us please savor these final few weeks of the regular season. Let us drink deep of the chalice of humiliation. Let us fill our bellies to near bursting with the lamb shank of futility. Let the public folly of these athletes be captured forever in high-tech GIF form, so as to make us feel better about ourselves. Or, at the very least, let our fervent chuckles keep us warm, all the Yuletide round.
In other words: here comes the crud.
Here are the worst plays of the week for Dec. 4-10.
Worst Missed Field Goal
Player: Ryan Succop
Date: Dec. 9
No, you're not misreading it, that was a 27-yard field goal attempt. Succop had never missed a FGA of less than 30 yards in his entire career. Since this is the 2012 Kansas City Chiefs, of COURSE he doinked it off the upright and missed. Because that's what Kansas City does this year. The Royals were so inspired by this display of uselessness that they traded their whole farm system for one and a half pitchers.
How's this one sitting with you, buddy?
Been there, bro.
Worst Interception
Player: Christian Ponder
Date: Dec. 9
"Hey, three guys wide open! Time for the old 'Hail to the Chief Mary' play! Patented Ponder, heh. Hup!"
/heaves ball as hard as he can
"OH NO THOSE WERE BEARS NOT VIKINGS WHAT A CRUCIAL ERROR IN MY JUDGMENT"
"DYAW BARNACLES"
Worst Dropped Pass
Player: A.J. Green
Date: Dec. 9
The Cowboys won this game at the last second thanks to a field goal. The Bengals, in retrospect, probably could have used another touchdown. In theory, this ball that bounced off of A.J. Green's conveniently-placed hands probably could have helped with that whole "touchdown" thing. But you know what they say about hindsight: it's stupid.
Next time, Green should probably use his catchin' hands, rather than his muffin'-it hands.
Worst Touchdown Celebration
Player: Richard Sherman
Date: Dec. 9
Sherman apparently has some sort of signature dance-type thing, but just because something belongs to just you doesn't mean it's good. I've got a shirt that I constantly spill Chipotle on every time I eat there; that doesn't mean I'm gonna be like YO EVERYONE CHECK OUT MY STAAAAAIIIIIINNNNNS while my friends stand around me all like SWAG SWAG SWAG SWAG SWAG SWAG SWAG SWAG.
Crap, I should totally do that.
Worst Pass
Player: Chad Henne
Date: Dec. 9
Yes, in a game involving Mark Sanchez, the OTHER quarterback had a worse pass. In fact, this could very well be considered the low point of the season for the Jacksonville Jaguars, because even though they are who they are, they lost a game, at home, to the 2012 New York Jets. That's some insult-to-injury type stuff right there.
What's that you say? This pass doesn't seem so bad? Well, allow me to provide you will some valuable perspective:
Just a pass to nowhere. Good job, Jaguars. You did it.
Worst Fumble
Player: Matthew Stafford
Date: Dec. 9
Sunday Night's game between the Lions and the Packers featured all of our favorite things: snow, fat guy touchdowns ... Okay, so our tastes are oddly specific when it comes to football, but it was still fun! And sure, this Mike Daniels TD only counts as a "fat guy touchdown" if you're being particularly mean and/or sizeist, but we'll take what we can get!
By the way, that's not what's really great about this fumble, anyway. What's great about it is all the alternate and slow-mo angles. Like this one!
And this one, where you can see deep into Stafford's eyes and understand exactly what it means to feel terror.
Worst Body Control
Player: Matthew Stafford
Date: Dec. 9
Hey, sweet moves, Staff-bro. I wasn't aware that the best way to stop from a moderate jog was to stutter-step to a slide-stop while doing the poor man's limbo technique of "head to one side" and finish off with a sumo stomp. But I'm not a professional athlete! That's why they pay you the big bucks.
You can get a different look at this wild dance move here, complete with bonus fanny pack. Or whatever that is that football players try to pretend isn't just a less-useful fanny pack.
Worst B-Roll
Network: CBS
Game: Jets vs. Jaguars
As noted earlier, Jets-Jaguars was something of an abomination. It was like Jets-Cardinals last week, or like any of the other Jets games since Week 1, or like any Jaguars game this season, or ... well, you get the idea. So in the middle of the un-riveting game, the production team felt it was time to lively up themselves with some solid B-roll. They cut to literally anything else that they felt would be more compelling than this game. They somehow managed to find the one thing on Earth that wasn't. They cut to this:
Just a pair o’ gators, kickin’ it, not moving in any way, just being gators. You can tell the gators aren’t Jags fans because they’re not weeping.
BONUS: Worst Free Throw
Game: Western Carolina University vs. Appalachian State
Sometimes a GIF comes along that is so wonderful in every way, all you can do is sit back and watch. Unless, for added enjoyment, you wanted to recite aloud the Randy Quaid-in-Major League "Too high; too high" line. Because that kind of makes this even more awesome. Also, if you have a spare slide whistle lying around, treat us all to a little ditty.
Do they even have songs for solo slide whistle? Or is the sheet music just titled like "Man Falls Over" or "Deflating Balloon"? Further research may be needed.
