The replacement NFL referees sure have a thankless job. They’re taking on an already crummy and widely-ridiculed position, but they’re not even the guys who are supposed to be there. They’re the understudy dung-shovelers. The stand-in carnival janitors. They’re the guy who opens for Jeff Dunham.
Replacement Referee Terrified By Strange Ball-Like Object
Bill Hanstock is a writer, author and Emmy Award-winning producer. He began writing for SB Nation in 2011.
But still, though: they should probably be familiar with a football and how to at least attempt to catch one. Because this business simply will not fly:
“Hey I’ll take th--OHJESUSWHATISTHIS. Oh dang, man. Dang. Give me a dang heart attack over here with this ... this ... gently-tossing-the-ball-to-me business. Everyone just settle down here. SETTLE DOWN, EVERYONE.”
/everyone is already milling around on the sidelines
“Yeah, that’s better. Just watch it, buddy. Liable to ... put someone’s ... eye out ... ”
/trails off
/literally no one is paying attention
“Ahem. Third down. I MEAN FIRST, POOP.”
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