Bryce Harper arrived to Major League Baseball last season, and there was a lot of pressure on him to be the greatest douche we’ve ever known. But then, just when the whole world was getting ready to worship the newest, greatest douche in a sport full of them, the Nationals held him back.
Bryce Harper, budding douche superhero
via @DCSportsNexus
They must have. Whether that meant lectures from team officials or strict image management from PR people, someone must have stepped in. Because as Jeff Sullivan wrote last year at Baseball Nation last year, Bryce really didn’t seem that douchey with last year’s Nats. All he did was work hard and play really well.
There was the “Clown question” thing, and that was mostly it. At least nationally.
But give it time.
As seen in the .GIF above, from his appearance on Jimmy Kimmel Tuesday night, there are still plenty of opportunities for Bryce’s inner douche to shine. We’re still a few months from baseball season, but here’s to hoping that this year B-Harp embraces his God-given talent and goes full-on scorched-earth douche. Look at the hair up there! And then the flawless execution of the double bro-point, like he’s pointing at some bros across a crowded club who just bought him a shot, but not in a gay way.
THIS MAN WAS BORN TO DOUCHE.
It’d be a waste of talent if he didn’t.
This means we need more “Bros” in interviews, more cut-off shirts that say “Suns Out, Guns Out”, and more pets named “Swag”. As Sullivan noted last year, “Maybe Bryce Harper is going to slip, and maybe he’ll still blossom into the hateable shithead he was projected to be.” God, let’s hope so. Bryce Harper has so much potential as a hateable shithead that we can’t help but love him for it.
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