After a long, crummy season, it’s time to settle down for our long winter’s nap! Well-earned, everyone! I was kind of getting to the end of my rope there, honestly. Now we won’t have to worry about the worst NFL GIFs of the week for another whole -- hm? What’s that? Postseason? That’s not in my contract. No. What? Outsource? I’d like to see you try, jerkfaces. Are you f
The Week in Worst: More like ‘Wild Card Weak-end’
The playoffs are here! ... When does the football get good?
Andy Lyons
Bill Hanstock is a writer, author and Emmy Award-winning producer. He began writing for SB Nation in 2011.
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HELLO AND WELCOMING BACK TO WEEKS OF WORST GUFS. I AM BILL HAMSTACK AND WILL MAKE FOR YOU JOKES ABOUT THE BADS FOOTBALL MAN. LOOK AT HOW THEY STUMBLE ON GREEN GRASS LIKE NEWBORN GOATS. HA HA HA HA. THIS ONE THROWS LIKE A CAPITALIST! THAT ONE IS TOO BLOATED WITH YOUR AMERICAN TACO BELL TO AVOID GOUT AND DIABETES. LAUGH RIGHT OUT LOUD LIKE NOT ON INTERNET!
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Nothing at all to see here! Let’s get to the moving pictures!
Here are the worst plays in the NFL for the week of Dec. 31-Jan. 6.
Worst Pass
Player: Joe Webb
Date: Dec. 5
Joe Webb had some ... fairly bad passes this week to choose from. There was this one. And there was this one! But I think that, ultimately, we really need to go with the creme de la creme, don’t we? We do. This is the Week in Worst, after all. So here it is: the worst Joe Webb pass of the week.
Sure, no one wants to get sacked for a huge loss. But look at this GIF and tell me that Joe Webb wasn’t just yelling “NYIH NYIH NYOOOOOOO” the whole time.
“NYEEEENNNNHHH STAWWWPPPPPP.”
Worst Tackle
Player: Clay Matthews
Date: Dec. 5
Matthews is a true professional. He’s a savvy veteran and he knows all of the tricks. Not many people know that the surest way to incapacitate someone in a football game is to just run headlong into their butt with your helmet. Works every time. A swift cranial charge to the coccyx will baffle and confuse your foes. Look how confused that guy is! You can’t argue with results!
Sadly, this was only a glancing blow. You’ll know you’ve done it right when swirls, stars and birds start circling the opposing player’s head while he slowly tilts from side to side. If his eyes turn into X’s and his tongue sticks out, you’ve done it too hard.
butts
Worst Interception
Player: Robert Griffin III
Date: Dec. 6
For part of this game, it looked like RGIII was going to have a Big Damn Legendary Game, like that time Michael Jordan scored 65 points with pneumonia, or when Kirk Gibson hit a walk-off home run when he couldn’t walk, or when Kobe shot 40% from the field when he had a minor case of the poops.
Then, well ... he threw a costly interception and his knee turned into a room-temperature Jell-O mold. The less time spent talking about the unfortunate circumstances surrounding everyone's favorite Redskins rookie phenom quarterback, the better. Let's just say that this pass came really, REALLY close to being awesome. Instead, it was awesome in the opposite way.
Worst Sack
Player: Clay Matthews
Date: Dec. 5
Clay Matthews, you've done it again! Just like he demonstrated by being a butt-head, Matthews knows all the tricks. Like, about how the most effective and efficient way to tackle someone is to roll into their legs from behind, like you're the boulder from Raiders of the Lost Ark and the quarterback is the six-year-old that lives down the street.
Bonus Joe Webb commentary track: “AARRRRGGGGHHH”
Worst Robot Arm
Player: Ray Lewis
Date: Dec. 6
At some point in the future, robot arms will be amazing. AMAZING. You’ll be able to crush stone and hang from ledges indefinitely (hopefully not at the same time). You’ll be able to take stuff you of the oven without unwieldy pot holders. Maybe your fingers will have lasers in them. Who’s to say? The sky is the limit!
But Ray Lewis is here to demonstrate that robot arm technology still has a long way to go. What good is a robot arm if you can’t even catch a dang football? Well, I guess that’s not really what Lewis used his normal, non-robot arms for. So maybe this is a bad gauge.
Still, though: step it up, robot arms.
Worst Camouflage
Date: Dec. 5
dude we see you
I’ve written about camouflage jerseys before. Now we know who buys them. Wait ... is that not even a jersey? Is that a hoodie shirsey? A ... jerdie? A camo jerdie! And he has apparently murdered Starfox and is wearing the famed space-pilot as a hat. Undignified at best.
And of course he had Sgt. Slaughter’s chin, Hulk Hogan’s mustache and Jimmy Hart’s soul patch. Of course he does.
Sheesh, everyone in this image has terrible camouflage. Like Buck Showalter there to the left of fox-head, shoving his Redskins-beanie-wearing child out of the frame so he can wave at the camera. Or the chinstrap dude making a wave fist-pump/wanking-motion gesture. That guy might actually BE the Notre Dame Fighting Irish logo. GET BACK ON AN ADJUSTABLE-BACK BASEBALL CAP AT AN INDIANA GOLF COURSE, LEPRECHAUN.
Worst First Down
Team: Seattle Seahawks
Date: Dec. 6
Just like they drew it up!
Redskins-Seahawks, for most of the first half, was a really boring, fairly lousy football game. Washington jumped out to a big 14-0 lead and then a whole bunch of nothing happened. Then there was Seahawks scoring and a horrific injury and a whole bunch of opinions! Football!
But this play was the first truly interesting thing to happen in the game. Russell Wilson butterfingersed the ball off of Marshawn Lynch's hip and the Redskins couldn't even fall on a football correctly. Lynch made a bunch of Curly-from-The Three Stooges WOOP WOO WOO WOO WOO noises and ran for an inexplicable first down. An important life lesson: just because something good happened doesn't mean you didn't screw up.
Worst Bullying
Team: Seattle Seahawks
Date: Dec. 6
Geez, Seahawks. What a bunch of jerks you guys are. Picking on a kid like that. YA BUNCH’A BULLIES.
I mean, lol, obviously, but still.
