This Week In GIFs: Fail like you care

Welcome to THIS WEEK IN GIFs! Voting will, as usual, remain open until Sunday at 11 p.m. Eastern. And if you haven’t played with the GIF ORACLE, yet, please feel free to do so in the comments. Just comment, “@oracle gif me _____”. You can see a list of ORACLE categories here, or you can request something of your own and see what the ORACLE deals you. Try it! You won’t break nothin’!

(Via Grant Brisbee)

Fielder is just like a little hobbit here, and it’s the cutest thing. He treats his quest to get to third base like it’s Frodo’s journey to Mordor. Like he can just jump his round little self into the forest and hide from an Orc and wait for Gandalf to save him and scold him for being overly curious, and then he’s gonna help return a deposed king to power and help defend a fortress with a bunch of well-meaning talking trees, and probably get yelled at for being curious some more, and this will all happen within the six feet between him and third. The primary differences between these two epics: first, rather than carrying a ring that made them invisible, the Tigers missed out on rings because they themselves disappeared. Second, Prince Fielder’s Gandalf is a chain-smoker.

(Via @BuzzFeedSports)

This is art, and it’s hands-down my favorite GIF of the week. It would be another GIF entirely if it looked as though Wainwright’s head or eyes were actually following the ball. Molina’s not moving, either. It’s easy to cherry-pick a moment like this to make fun, but you know, it’s Spring Training, and the players are starting to get in sync, and--

wait, it’s the World Series? Holy Hell. I think we have about 15 years before the MLB playoffs are broadcast on HGTV. I don’t know how the world’s longest show about a lawn isn’t there already.

(Via Kissing Suzy Kolber)

This season, Russell Wilson’s on pace to become the second quarterback in NFL history (after Randall Cunningham in 1990) to finish with at least 25 touchdowns and 700 rushing yards, and he’s a big reason why my prediction that these Seahawks will win the Super Bowl isn’t a particularly risky one. This, frankly, isn’t a convincing demonstration of his abilities so much as a really cool thing that happened.

Few things delight Sports Twitter more than a punter blowing up a punt returner. I think we ought to call this play the McAfee Virus Scan. From now on, every time the Broncos start a game, McAfee will pop up out of nowhere. “CLICK HERE TO REMOVE TROJANS FROM YOUR SYSTEM!” Offensive lineman Winston Justice will pensively nod and see his way out, but McAfee will keep popping up out of nowhere every 15 minutes anyway. The Denver Broncos are like your parents’ computer in many other ways!

It’s not just that Dillon crashes, it’s that he seems determined to produce the crashiest crash possible. He spins out, reverses into the wall, goes airborne, and then reverses again into oncoming traffic. I present this as proof that NASCAR is indeed a sport, because the only question one needs to ask is, “is it full of silly shit and bad ideas?”

Pro-Football-Reference offers a “Strength of Schedule” metric. With a SoS of -4.2, the Chiefs have enjoyed the very weakest opponents in the league, and by a considerable margin. They play teams that, for example, will allow Alex Smith to score a touchdown untouched after his running back runs the wrong way and he has to fake a handoff to nobody.

In this week’s Fumblr, Matt Ufford predicted that the Chiefs will lose in the playoffs, and some Chiefs fans kind of went apeshit. This is a quality team, no doubt, but I think seeing Kansas City as a Super Bowl favorite requires a considerable amount of bias. Which is not to say that my pessimism is entirely grounded in relevance, either.

I’ve just been a Chiefs fan since before I really understood how football worked. (When I was seven, I cheered Nick Lowery’s missed would-be winning field goal in the playoffs because I didn’t know it had to go through the uprights. That night, I took a Sharpie and blacked out the Dolphins logos on my NFL team bed sheets, and then I cried.) I’ve seen them go to the playoffs and do nothing but lose in 1994, in 1995, in 1997, in 2003, in 2006, in 2010. You think the Chiefs are going to the Super Bowl? What’re you, new here?

(Via @bubbaprog)

”gee whiz, what’s this wall say? cain’t hardly read it! seems like it might could say “jo coo” or maybe “jo cod”? d’awwwww malt-o-meals, i ain’t never gonna figure this out. welp, guess i should count m’blessin’s! got this jacket here says SAFE on the back what for protectin’ me from harm! hey y’know what, these here might just be jaguar spoBLOPPPPPPPPP”

“d’aww krogerbrands, i’m the worst dang head coach who’s ever been :(”

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