The Independent on Monday delivered one of the greatest headlines of our modern age:
A famous drunken pig is dead, a nation mourns
A pig has died. Words cannot do this pig justice, but we shall try.
Beth Hall-USA TODAY Sports
Bill Hanstock is a writer, author and Emmy Award-winning producer. He began writing for SB Nation in 2011.
Swino is dead: Boozy feral pig who found fame after getting drunk on stolen beer and starting a fight with an innocent cow dies in car accident
Not to be outdone is the subhead:
Authorities confirm the boorish porker was recently hit by a passing vehicle
Rest in peace, boorish porker. May flights of angels sing thee to thy rest.
Now, beyond stealing the obit headline from a sure-to-be-livid Rex Ryan, “Swino” captured the hearts and minds of Australian citizens by drinking 18 cans of beer (which possibly makes him an official voting Australian citizen) and fighting a cow. (The same thing happens seven to ten times a year at Texas Memorial Stadium, but that’s neither here nor there.)
We felt it was best to honor the memory of our fallen comrade by having a moment of silence. Actually, we’ve got something better than a moment of silence. Besotted Australian pig, this is how we pay tribute to our heroes in America:
Mourn you ‘til I join you, Swino. Mourn you ‘til I join you.
See More:
